Hey guys. My BCR-ABL readings, that is, the measuring stick that shows how much cancer is in my blood spiked up from approximately 14% to about 53% this past week in between 2 months of tests. I still go to that black psychological place when that happens. I’ve been as high as 99% when I first came to UAB. The drugs I take keep the cancer levels in check, but they also kill healthy blood. It’s a balancing act and a tradeoff. I’m one of the fraction of patients that respond that way.

If you’re so inclined, Google the “Philadelphia Chromosome” as it relates to CML Leukemia. If I go into the “Blast” phase, I’ll say my goodbyes. I’ve discarded the idea of a self inflicted end. That is the most selfish thing I could do.

I still get scared and do wonder about my future and that’s what I’ve been dealing with. I’m not looking for attention and so I just back out of here sometimes and I don’t respond much. I ended a perfect relationship so that an innocent person could live her life and have a family without becoming a full time caretaker. That was heartbreaking, but realistic.

Add that to the fact that several other members have just learned they are sick, and that TRULY weighs as heavily on me as my own thing does. I wish I could take everybody’s burden and just add it to my account, but it doesn’t work that way.

Please be sure to reach out to those other sick folks you know on here, just a PM would encourage them. The initial prayer offers are great, but remembering to check back with them occasionally really helps some of them.

As for me, Larry is my rock on here. He keeps me centered, and has taught me that being concerned for others takes my mind off ME.

That’s enough for now. Too much info, actually.

Just a response or even an insult on me in a thread makes me smile.