I’m waiting for that answer myself

A story not completely my own:

"Pipe Smokers are Worthless


Once upon a time an old man named Robert Klein from New Orleans, told me to watch out for pipe smokers because the majority were “worthless, lazy, fakes, and cons”.

He went on to say they hide behind the facade of being wise contemplative men, who sit, smoke, and read literature. You can find them from universities as well as a world of rugged outdoorsmen, canoeists, fly fishermen, music & art venues, and ship captains. He claims its a unique way to mask emasculation and laziness whilst almost casting a spell on the weak minded. He said they aren’t dumb but want you to think they are more worldly and intelligent than they actually are. This perception is more important than actual accomplishment. He said they are more obsessed with being center of attention, legends in their own minds, passing on what they consider to be sage advice. He said they start many worthless dead-end endeavors, a failure of a fault not their own.

Pipe smokers have been able to hide their defects behind their principal avocation. They have built up a tremendous “lore” which has gone unchallenged. They have, figuratively, hidden behind clouds of smoke. The perception that “I’m not smoking, I’m contemplating and taking it all in”, he said. He said he noticed many pipe smokers seem emasculated by women. He said he thinks the pipe smokers contemplation or relaxation excuse might be “the only damn time these poor fellas get any peace”. He thinks the pipe makes them feel more manly too. He noted the pipe smoker usually had some type of beard or a mustache of of some “different” style. The shaggy beard for the laziest most worthless of pipe smokers, the mustache (especially a pencil type) for the one wanting the refined outdoors professional image, the trimmed beard for the literary intellectual and boat enthusiasts.

“The facade is often that pipe smokers are all of a certain temperament, that not just any man can be a pipe smoker …the false perception most of them are solid, steady, rather easy-going people who have more than the average amount of patience.”
Pipe smokers have been typecast in the media and society as wise thinkers, stable, kind, masculine, philosophic, mature, dependable, capable, steady, dependable and deliberate people. “Bullcrap artist”, said he. The old man feels pipe smokers are slow-witted, criminally inclined, snobs, indolent, physically unfit, substance or alcohol abusers, bad-tempered, lazy as hell good fer nuthins!

He says the pipe smoker belongs to a breed apart from other men. His perceived pleasures of contemplation and relaxation, unhurried approach, calm, casual, and meditative, are meant to cover his lack of concern, empathy, and sympathy. He also hides his emasculation, laziness, and true dissatisfaction with life behind such.

I can't say I disagree with the old fella. I will say, a few times in life I’ve ran across people who were self aware and could be case studies for physiological professionals.

Robert Klein smoked a pipe."