I was hesitant to post anything about this in the last few weeks, but I decided to today, because the inevitable has happened...
My oldest son has always been a difficult young man to reach. We have had our good times and we have had our really bad times. He was a caring young man and a sensitive young man, but he has always had his struggles. First with ADD, then with alcohol and drugs.
I have tried to be a good father to him. I have disciplined him with love when needed and I have loved him when he needed love. I have bailed him out of trouble when he needed it and I have left him in jail when he needed a lesson. I tried to do the best I knew how to do at any given time. He was a good hearted boy, but he had some things get a hold of him that in the end he couldn't shake.
He has been at Grandview medical since December 22nd. He was admitted with liver failure due to alcohol and prescription pain killers. At first I though there was hope, but once they moved him to the ICU, I had the realization that he was not going to leave that hospital alive... That was my first moment when I knew.
There was a steady decline from then. If you have liver failure from drugs and/or alcohol, you can't qualify for a transplant until you are clean and sober for 6 months. The doctors told us that he was not going to make it that long. I prayed, but God's will is God's will...
Last Thursday I had to make the difficult decision not to prolong his life with a feeding tube, respirator, or a resuscitation. That was the hardest decision that I have ever made, and my second moment.
I have been spending time with him every morning and every afternoon and seeing his condition progressively getting worse. I stopped by the hospital as usual this morning and he was particularly bad. All the IV's were gone, and the doctors were simply trying to give him comfort. I stroked his head with my fingers before I left and told him I loved him. Once in my truck I broke down and prayed to God that if this was his will that he take Chris as quickly and painlessly as possible.
At about lunch the Doctor called me and told me Chris was close and I needed to come to the hospital. I called Mrs. Irish and my father and they both met me there. I held Chris and stroked his hair and the nurses came in and asked if the Chaplain could come in and she did. She prayed with Chris and for us and then she sang a song. As soon as she had finished singing, Chris went to be with the Lord.
I was there for his birth and literally caught him as he came out and I was there when he went to meet the Lord. I know he is in a better place. I stood in the parking deck and Grand view today and asked God to give me a peace if he was with him and he did.
I don't post this to ask for your prayers or your sympathy or your sorrow. I post it for you to take the time to heal any and all relationships you have with people that you love. All children are different and require different parenting to get through to them. Love them. Don't give up on people. Hold them dear to your heart, regardless of what they are going through.
Love is the greatest gift that we have as humans. Give it freely.
