We have a new winner

I was once seen in public with Delmer, Driveby and Mangler. If Riverrat and Brent hadn't been there also I never would have mentioned it.

Oh and I can't forget......3Toe, Doekiller, and myself have seen Rebelpiper's hairy butt.

That's not embarrassing, that's disturbing.

No, that is hairy

Me, Shaw, and Delmer were in Metropolis, IL shooting an ASA archery tournament. After shooting all day we went to eat at a steak house across the river in Paducah, KY. I was worn out and dog tired. While waiting for a table I decided to go to the restroom. Being as tired as I was I didn’t pay attention to the signs. You guessed it. I did my business and as I was washing my hands a young lady walks in, smiles at me, and proceeds to wash her hands beside me. I just looked at her and said, “Oh sh**”. She started laughing and I walked out. To make matters worse, when we got a table, she was our waitress. The only thing that made it better was what she said to Shaw. The booths had high seats and she walks by, looks at Shaw, and says, “My feet swing like that when I sit in those too”.

We were at another Pro/Am up near Roanoke, VA and DriveBy tried to pet a queer waiter's monkey in Outback.

LOL!!!!! That sucker was flaming wasn't he? There was a waiter making balloon animals in an Outback Steakhouse and that sucker was as queer as a 3 dollar bill. He made one for a kid at the booth next to us and said, "So little boy, do you have a name for your monkey?" Delmer and I started laughing so hard we cried and Shaw blew Bloomin' Onion sauce out his nose. He says that stuff really burns when you do that too. If looks could have killed, that queer little waiter would have disintegrated us.

...Ive had so many incidents like these in my life...couple no way in hell would I share...I do remember one time I was a dog and pony show All Branch at the MS Gulf Coast Coliseum...Army, Navy, Marines, USAF gig...dress Blues, whole 9 yards...big flag ceremony...and the 'urge' fell on me like a 2000# GBU...our pantson the old blues were like overalls...I was at the double time, headed to the john, jacket coming off...suspenders un-buttoned holding them up with one hand...I pushed open the door of the bathroom...and there were about 10 USAF chicks in various stages of undressing...oops...ladies room...
I remember them pointing at me later...I just walked by and winked and said said..."hello ladies...nice to see you again"
Thank God the mens was only like 20 yards away...if had been 21...I wouldnt have made the show...

Probably the time I was the most embarrassed, no one knew about it. I hope. I was working at a hardware store one summer and while back in the warehouse I cut one loose. It wasn't a fart as I assumed. I'm standing there wandering what to do, knowing I have a nice brown wet spot. So I tell my boss I had to run home and get something for school to turn in ASAP. I run out to my truck, put the key in the door to unlock it and just as the knob pops up the key breaks, in the lock. I stand there in horror in the front parking lot of this place, hoping no one shows up. I find a pair of hemostats in my tackle box and get the piece of key out. I come up with the idea of piecing the key together in the key machine and cutting a new one. Only problem is the key machine was right in front of the counter. Looking around my backseat, I find a sweatshirt and tie it around my waist, with it hanging over and covering up my accident. I cruise back in the store, sporting a sweatshirt in 100 degree Alabama heat, cut me a key and all is merry.

This next one happened to my ex girfriend. Me and some buddies, and her and some of her friends went down to one of the guy's vacation house on the GA coast. Well about 15 minutes before we get there, she looks at me with a concerned look and says "I have to go to the bathroom, BADLY". So we get there and she high tails it in. Bout 10 minutes later, we're all outside getting the boat ready to put in, and she pulls me aside and says there is a problem. Says the toilet won't flush. "I went in there and flushed it to make sure it would work and now it won't, oh my God you have to do something!". Immediately I know the culprit, and walk upstairs and turn the water on and tell her when you quit hearing water running, try her again. The fact that she gave the toilet the ole confidence flush and got punked makes me laugh to this day.

I read this while in a Dr office. People probably think I am crazy. I was jerking and shaking from laughing so hard. And had tears coming out..

These are great.

I did not do this. I repeat, It was not me. A guy gets out on a pier on Logan Martin Lake while fishing a bass tourney at night. He does a number two on the guys pier and drops his billfold onto the pier and doesn't know it. This story didn't end well.

So that's how you got the handle Farmer Brown.

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this.

The part DriveBy is conveniently leaving out is they put her up to saying that.

No sir!!!!! She done that on her own and Delmer can vouch for it. The part we DID put her up to though was bringing the booster seat and kiddy menu.

Funny stuff, I have been recently moving Mama. She has a Toyota Rav4 and the battery was dead. The clicker would not open the door where I could jump it off. Anyway, I go to Mom and ask for the key to open the door to gain access to the battery and she does not have a key (pretty new Yota) So, I chalk it up to the move and stuff still not settled. Took her bar code and clicker to the Yota place in Auburn and tell them the story, this young lady says let me see the clicker, so I start telling her it's not the batteries in the clicker it's the vehicle! she smiles pushes a little button on the side of the clicker and pulls the key out What can I say...

I hate to admit this..
My wife and I will exchange naughty text and naughty pics a lot, you know to get it warmed up. Well one day she had sent me some really good stuff and being the great husband I am I got on the internet and found her a pic of one of those big muscular hunks displaying his "member" proudly. I thought yeah this will get her fired up and might be more than I can handle.
About the time I hit "send" I realize that I had text the naked guy pic to some man I didn't know that I had texted a couple days earlier about something for sale. He responded with "who is this?" All I could say was "sorry that was for my wife". When the wife got home and I told her what happened I thought she was going to pass out from laughing. So much for getting her worked up.
I now triple check and make sure it's her name I send naughty pics too.

This didn't happen to me, but it's hilarious. Ed C. was raised on a dairy farm & as a young teen he made an amazing discovery about certain curiosities of newly weaned calves while taking a leak one day.
He was in a barn enjoying his new friend's talents when his dad came in & caught him, he froze, the calf wouldn't stop & his dad went literally to his knees in laughter.
He had to think of something so Ed yells at him "you just go ahead & laugh while this thing eats me up!"
He spent about half an hour trying to convince his dad that he was innocent & that he'd been attacked by the calf, then the rest of the day begging him not to tell his mother.