Whoa, calm down buddy. Nobody here is questioning you dickslaying prowess.

I've been fortunate enough to never encounter him, but I've heard stories growing up in Madison County. The stories are confusing, and downright incoherent at times, but there are consistencies with every account. They always have sweaty balls, and the attack always comes from down wind. I've never been able comprehend exactly what happens, all I know is the victim is left with the crotch of their pants missing, and every drop of semen is drained from their body. These men are never same afterwards, they are no longer satisfied with their wives, and spend all of their time looking for dickslayer, but he never slays the same dick twice.

Be very careful in the woods of Madison County. Turkey season is when a lot of the attacks happen. The spring heat can lead to sweaty balls, and turkey hunters aren't paying attention to the wind. I ALWAYS wear a jock strap full of foot powder when in Madison County to keep my balls from getting sweaty. It's kept me safe so far, but I should probably move before my luck runs out.