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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: bama_earl]
#3719959
08/02/22 03:52 PM
08/02/22 03:52 PM
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,828 Awbarn, AL
CNC
Dances With Weeds
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Dances With Weeds
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,828
Awbarn, AL
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Stuff like that seems simple but you would be surprised with these young parents who try to regulate little stuff like that sleep schedule and food.
Let me drop you off some infant twins and then get back too many in about 6 months on your sleep schedule ideology.....
We dont rent pigs
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: bama_earl]
#3719983
08/02/22 04:34 PM
08/02/22 04:34 PM
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505 Chelsea
Lockjaw
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505
Chelsea
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I thought this deserved its own thread.
The wife and I have two wonderful grandchildren we love deeply. My wife quit her career to stay at home with them so they would not have to attend daycare. We are getting them Thursday night and then again Saturday night. We also have a great relationship with our kids and their spouses.
When the kids were young, my son and his wife had lots of rules and new parenting ways they wanted to implement at my house. It got a little heated on some conversations so we had a family meeting and basically said when the grandkids come to our house, they are under our care and our rules. The same care and rules that made you the man your are today, talking to my son.
Establishing these boundaries really helped our relationship.
Wow, you think that is a boundary, to basically disrespect the parenting wishes of the children's parents? Let me ask you a question. Will they stand in judgement before God for how they raise the children HE entrusted to them, or will you and your wife? This is a proper boundary. Mom and dad, thank you for your kind offer to watch our children so we don't have to place them in daycare, unfortunately, we are going to have to decline it. We have agreed on how we want to raise our children that God has entrusted us with, and letting them stay with family whose rules arent the same isn't something we are prepared to do at this time. If the children were unruly, then your statement about rules would be a boundary, but based upon what you said, it sounds like the parents wanted stricter rules than you and your wife. That isn't a boundary, that is being controlling. On your part.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: bama_earl]
#3719989
08/02/22 04:40 PM
08/02/22 04:40 PM
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505 Chelsea
Lockjaw
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505
Chelsea
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My 2 grands (2&4) know that there are different rules at my house and their house. Just on stuff like bed times and food. The Grandparents are for fun and the parents are for discipline. We don't let them go wild but they do have fun when they come to our house. They all lived with us this summer for about 2 months, me and the grands had a blast, my wife, son in law and my daughter not so much. It was loud and the house stayed a wreck with toys and such but it was the best summer I have had in a long time! I was not ready for them to move into their new house. Waking up every morning to the grands calling for their papaw was heaven on earth! Same at my house. We have no bedtimes and no food restrictions. My wife stocks a mini fridge with those small can cokes and dr peppers. They don't get that at their house. They also get unlimited ice cream. Stuff like that seems simple but you would be surprised with these young parents who try to regulate little stuff like that sleep schedule and food. When I raised my kids I just raised them as I was raised. We had no book or manual... we asked our elders. Today they all read these books and get on these special schedules then lose their minds when the grandparents don't follow. Look, it will be ok if your son has 4 ice cream cones today... he will be ok. Chill out, it aint worth the battle. And I think they realized that after a while. Seriously? And your comment about letting him win a battle???/ You have control issues.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: Lockjaw]
#3720031
08/02/22 05:38 PM
08/02/22 05:38 PM
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,972 Alabama
bama_earl
OP
8 point
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OP
8 point
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,972
Alabama
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I thought this deserved its own thread.
The wife and I have two wonderful grandchildren we love deeply. My wife quit her career to stay at home with them so they would not have to attend daycare. We are getting them Thursday night and then again Saturday night. We also have a great relationship with our kids and their spouses.
When the kids were young, my son and his wife had lots of rules and new parenting ways they wanted to implement at my house. It got a little heated on some conversations so we had a family meeting and basically said when the grandkids come to our house, they are under our care and our rules. The same care and rules that made you the man your are today, talking to my son.
Establishing these boundaries really helped our relationship.
Wow, you think that is a boundary, to basically disrespect the parenting wishes of the children's parents? Let me ask you a question. Will they stand in judgement before God for how they raise the children HE entrusted to them, or will you and your wife? This is a proper boundary. Mom and dad, thank you for your kind offer to watch our children so we don't have to place them in daycare, unfortunately, we are going to have to decline it. We have agreed on how we want to raise our children that God has entrusted us with, and letting them stay with family whose rules arent the same isn't something we are prepared to do at this time. If the children were unruly, then your statement about rules would be a boundary, but based upon what you said, it sounds like the parents wanted stricter rules than you and your wife. That isn't a boundary, that is being controlling. On your part. Yes, I am in control of my house and the rules under my roof. Even though my son is my hunting and fishing partner, he knows not to get out of line and disrespect me. He has had to bite his tongue because he is an adult but he will not cross that line. I really love our relationship and setup. They drop off the kids and they don't ask questions, they don't tell us do this and do that. We don't call and ask if we can go anywhere with their kids, we just go. Adult kids have lost respect for their parents and we will not tolerate any disrespect from our kids at 5 or 25. So yes, I am in control and I don't plan to loose that place as head of my family. Its a tough way to raise kids and I know that, but the miss treatment of parents by their adult kids is out of hand. Using grandkids as pawns. Set your boundaries and don't get run over. They will respect you in the end. This Sunday is my daughter's birthday and she wants fried deer meat, mash potatoes, corn, and gravy. I will have her and her husband, my son and his wife, along with my grandkids all at the table. There will not be any fussing, no one is going to say anything disrespectful, its going to be a blessing. But you know why that is, because I am in control of my house. I am still the head of my family and my kids know that. Now all that may sound mean or mean spirited but it works for me and my wife. If your kids drop off the grandkids and want them in bed by 8, no sugar, no caffeine, no gluten, no red meat, etc etc. And you follow all those rules, then that's great, your grandkids think your house sucks!!
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: bama_earl]
#3720082
08/02/22 06:59 PM
08/02/22 06:59 PM
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 23,933 Clarksville, TN /Greenville, ...
bill
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 23,933
Clarksville, TN /Greenville, ...
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I've seen parents that rely on grandparents for child care put up with most anything to keep the peace until they don't need the child care anymore. Then the grandparents wonder why the kids don't visit when they get a little older. Thankfully my parents respected my wishes on major rules and I respected their wishes on spoiling my daughter a little. If I couldn't trust them to enforce the rules I think are important she wouldn't have visited without me. If my father had your attitude he'd never have seen my daughter without me there to supervise them both. My child my rules. Don't like it? Too bad for you.
"Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles" - Bauvard
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: bill]
#3720096
08/02/22 07:20 PM
08/02/22 07:20 PM
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 13,900 Mobile, AL
SouthBamaSlayer
Gary's Fluffer
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Gary's Fluffer
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 13,900
Mobile, AL
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I've seen parents that rely on grandparents for child care put up with most anything to keep the peace until they don't need the child care anymore. Then the grandparents wonder why the kids don't visit when they get a little older. Thankfully my parents respected my wishes on major rules and I respected their wishes on spoiling my daughter a little. If I couldn't trust them to enforce the rules I think are important she wouldn't have visited without me. If my father had your attitude he'd never have seen my daughter without me there to supervise them both. My child my rules. Don't like it? Too bad for you. Bingo. My kid trumps your “house rules.” If I tell you not to do something with my child and you do it, you’re the disrespectful one. My father is no longer in charge of me.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: whack-n-stack]
#3720127
08/02/22 08:00 PM
08/02/22 08:00 PM
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 13,900 Mobile, AL
SouthBamaSlayer
Gary's Fluffer
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Gary's Fluffer
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 13,900
Mobile, AL
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Im smart enough to look at my peers, and realize my parents did a good job. When they ask to keep mine, I ask them what time and where they wanna meet me. Much less, question their plans or give orders. That’s the dumbest thing you could do to a free babysitter. The discussion is whether or not you’d allow them to have rules that blatantly contradict the rules at your house that you’ve set for your own kids. If your parenting styles align, then that’s great.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: FreeStateHunter]
#3720129
08/02/22 08:01 PM
08/02/22 08:01 PM
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505 Chelsea
Lockjaw
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 8,505
Chelsea
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The only problem with your way of doing things Bama-earl is it’s not biblical. The Bible tells us once we marry that we’re joined as one and responsible for or to our spouse for life. You no longer answer to your parents but your spouse. In the same thread the grandparents have absolutely no say as to how the rules are set for a child’s raising. It may hurt your feelings but that’s fact and it’s eternal truth. Only when the boomers started aging did “grandparents setting rules” even become a thing. I couldn’t imagine my grandparents disrespecting my parents so blatantly by saying that they need to have their own special set of rules or they won’t help them. Guess my family runs a little different. He's dysfunctional! He has no respect for his son or his son's wife nor any respect for either one of them as parents. The sad thing is he thinks he's a great parent and role model, but he isn't. He's an abuser, doesn't have to be physical but definitely emotional abuser. He is actively and purposely undermining his son and wife as parents. He is ultimately teaching his grandchildren not to honor their parents. This is a generational curse. The bible talks about it, sins of the forefathers. . It gets passed down from generation to generation because no one breaks free.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: whack-n-stack]
#3720133
08/02/22 08:04 PM
08/02/22 08:04 PM
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 52,262 Gee's Bend/At The Hog Pen
James
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 52,262
Gee's Bend/At The Hog Pen
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I’ve never had the rules discussion so I don’t know if we contradict each other. I’m just happy to get some free time to make ‘em another one. 😆
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many!
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: Darrylcom]
#3720138
08/02/22 08:14 PM
08/02/22 08:14 PM
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 10,339 Alabama
whack-n-stack
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 10,339
Alabama
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Well I would just say, be glad your kids have living grandparents. They can’t be that bad I promise. The opposite is worse. Ain’t that the truth. I remember going to eat fried chicken every Wednesday after school at one of my great grandmother’s house till I was a sophomore in high school. Didn’t find out she was an alcoholic until she died at 93 years old. Still is the best fried chicken I’ve ever had.
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Re: Grandparent Rules
[Re: SouthBamaSlayer]
#3720141
08/02/22 08:20 PM
08/02/22 08:20 PM
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,292 Spanish Fort
Jstocks
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,292
Spanish Fort
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Im smart enough to look at my peers, and realize my parents did a good job. When they ask to keep mine, I ask them what time and where they wanna meet me. Much less, question their plans or give orders. That’s the dumbest thing you could do to a free babysitter. The discussion is whether or not you’d allow them to have rules that blatantly contradict the rules at your house that you’ve set for your own kids. If your parenting styles align, then that’s great. The answer is no way.
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