I had a $3 bill with a picture of Bill Clinton on it and had a lot of fun with it trying to pay for stuff and convince people it was real. "Of course it's real, it's got a picture of the President of the United States on it "
I convinced a few that it was legit money, but of course then told them it was a joke.

Then I tried to use it to pay for a RC cola at a little store in Clay county, and that was a mistake. The old guy though it was hilarious and took it. I then demanded change back, but he wouldn't give it to me. And so I lost my $3 bill and never found another one. Years later I did his funeral and told the story of how he accepted my $3 bill. RIP Robert.

That was a pretty common saying, and I always responded that I was strict low middling. Most younger folks didn't realize that those were grades of cotton.

cotton grading

My old fire chief would say, "If it was raining pu$$ies, I'd get one with a pecker broke off in it"

Heck I still use a lot of these, depending on who I'm talking to of course.

I knew what she meant, but I didn't know that either.

Slicker'n snot on a gold tooth

I didn't know whether to chit or go blind so, I just closed my eyes and farted

And one of my favorites, usually yelled by a tobacco juice spitting coach during an August football practice "Git away from that water boy, it'll give you cramps!"

My dads in the hospital. 85 yes old no real filter when he speaks. Very small room he told the nurse this….. The room so small ya can’t cuss a cat without getting hair in your mouth.
I thought about this thread

"Fill'Er up"

My Grandfather. when I was young, used to always ask me if I was a smart feller or a fart smeller? These days I feel like the latter most of the time.

We had this one other Lt. at work that was always abusing overtime and when called out on it, nothing ever happened to him. We had another Lt. who always commented about this, "He could fall into a pile of shat and come up with a Ham sandwich in his mouth." Not what I want a literal picture of, but it was pretty accurate.

“Use your head for something besides a hat rack.” Heard that a lot from my dad in my growing up years.

you couldnt hit a bulls azz with a bass fiddle...

Uglier than a box of buttholes.

Cattywampus

My uncle says "Im luckier than a dog with a bacon flavored pecker"

"She's hotter than a Go-Cart Muffler"
"That Hill's Slicker than GREASED Owl shucks"
"She couldn't poor piss out of a Boot with Directions on the heel"
"His Elevator don't go all the way to the top"
"He's a few Bricks short of a load"
"I'm gonna be on you like stink on shucks Boy"
" This Catfish is sooooo good.....my tongue's about to slap my brains out"
"That Man is a Jar Head"
"He's a Blue-Gum"

"She smelled like a $hithouse door on a Tuna Boat!"

Plantation......

Ty is is an older post - but here it goes

He is queer as a $2 dollar bill

Or - think before u speak