Nancy Pelosi called Chuck Schumer one day and said, I have a plan to help us win the mid terms in 2018 and help us regain control of Congress.

"Great Nancy, but how?" asked Chuck..

“We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the shelter and pick up a Labrador retriever, and we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there." So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Chuck Shumer and Nancy Pelosi?"

“Yes we are!" said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Chuck suggested we stop and take in some local color." They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen. A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador , lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads. Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two azzholes!"

Haha

Lol

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

How come zombies don't eat clowns? Because they taste funny!

Not a joke. This really happened. I met a girl in Dee Ford's in Anniston one night and thought I was doing alright enough to get her #. She wrote 773-4206. And she wrote her name upside down below it. You'll have to turn the # upside down to see the significance of that.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking????

USE LUBRICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

took me a little while to figure that out.