When I was in the third grade my parents had to come up to the school for something I had done. I didn’t know they had been called in. We were in class and the principal came to the door and motioned the teacher over and said something to her. The teacher turned and told me to go to the hall. The principal was waiting on me and paddled my ass. Didn’t tell me why. My parents picked me up from school that afternoon and asked me when I got in the car if anything happened in school today. Of course I told them no. Got my ass tore up when I got home for what I had done in school and lying to my parents. Turns out they told the principal to go yank my butt out of class and tear it up. 🤨

Got in trouble in the first grade and my dad had to go to school. Got my ass tore up for that too when I got home. When he got done he pointed at a hoe handle and said he’d use that next time. 😲 Well, next day I got in trouble again and the teacher said she was calling my dad. Long story short, I took 10 licks in front of the class, with the class counting them down, to keep her from calling my dad. My mom used to tear our tails up for stuff and after my dad found out about it when he got in from work, he tore them up too.

This is true. I'm not biblical scholar, but to my understanding Angels are higher than us now, but when we go to heaven we will be higher than angels.

"Do you not know that we will judge angels?" (1 Corinthians 6:3).

I'm not really sure why that bothers y'all? Do y'all feel the same about writings on folks Headstones? And NO i don't have any of said stickers, but y'all carry on now lol....

being cold will give you a cold

you can’t swim after eating - it’ll give you cramps

owls screaming like a woman means somebody died

I’m admittedly a little biased because a specific one came to mind…on the back window of a car down the street from us. On the other side, she’s got 2 stickers that say “Doin that mom sh*t” and “milf’n ain’t easy”

And to answer the inevitable question…….no, she’s not.

My favorite headstones...

"Here lies Andrew Drake. He stepped on the gas instead of the brake."

"As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you will be. So prepare for death and follow me."

You didn't grow up in my house when I was a kid or you would know #2 is the Truth.

Step on a crack, break your mother's back.



Til death do us part.

I love you.

Organized religion

Pretty much anything my grandmother didn’t like us doing would give us worms 😁

I'll disagree with #1 and #2

I started drinking coffee at about 5, sitting with my pawpaw. cream, sugar, and saucerin' like a big dude.

as for #2, if asswhippin was an olympic sport in 1972, my mother would have more gold medals than Mark Spitz. And she was a substitute teacher when I was in elementary school. Other teachers could't wait to tell her I got in trouble. Sometimes, she even waited until we got home before she beat my ass again.

For the record, I ain't bitchin about it. I am the successful man I am today because of her.

Don't drink milk with fish and dogs attract lighting

I'm working harder than an ugly stripper.

In your case, I believe you. Isn't that just like an old school parent? --> "So, did anything happen at school today?" If they asked that, you knew something was up.

I haven't seen anyone "saucer" coffee before or since my Grandfather & he died in the 90s.

-- Sit too close to the TV & you'll hurt your eyes. I recall being told that quite a few times. Didn't seem to hurt a thing

A friend with weed is a friend indeed......

If I held the flashlight still, my dad wouldn't need to call the plumber. haha