Let me drop you off some infant twins and then get back too many in about 6 months on your sleep schedule ideology.....

My mother in law and I had a knock down drag out about this same thing. She first started one day when my son was young (like 18 months) by putting some of her high heels on him and making him walk around because she thought it was cute. I made it clear that I didn’t ever want a stitch of female clothing on his body ever again period. Then she tried pulling the her rules at her house stunt because I didn’t like him on YouTube and other things and I said ok, he will just never be at her house period. That’s my child and I’ll do the raising, to include taking responsibility if something goes wrong. She asked me how to get him to her house more often and I told her it was simple. That he’s got established rules to live by and they’re non-negotiable. Praise the Lord I had a good enough job I could find daycare for him. Needless to say she didn’t like it at all but that’s the way it was. Ain’t nobody telling me how to raise my kid. Ain’t nobody telling me nothing period except God Almighty. I may choose to do things other peoples way sometimes but don’t get it twisted, it’s always my choice.

Wow, you think that is a boundary, to basically disrespect the parenting wishes of the children's parents? Let me ask you a question. Will they stand in judgement before God for how they raise the children HE entrusted to them, or will you and your wife?

This is a proper boundary. Mom and dad, thank you for your kind offer to watch our children so we don't have to place them in daycare, unfortunately, we are going to have to decline it. We have agreed on how we want to raise our children that God has entrusted us with, and letting them stay with family whose rules arent the same isn't something we are prepared to do at this time.

If the children were unruly, then your statement about rules would be a boundary, but based upon what you said, it sounds like the parents wanted stricter rules than you and your wife. That isn't a boundary, that is being controlling. On your part.

Seriously? And your comment about letting him win a battle???/

You have control issues.

The best reason to have kids is so you can have grandchildren. The parents need to lighten up and let the grandparents have a special kind of relationship with the grandkids. It's different than the parent/child relationship. A great thing about grandkids is that when you've had enough, you can send them home

Yes, I am in control of my house and the rules under my roof. Even though my son is my hunting and fishing partner, he knows not to get out of line and disrespect me. He has had to bite his tongue because he is an adult but he will not cross that line. I really love our relationship and setup. They drop off the kids and they don't ask questions, they don't tell us do this and do that. We don't call and ask if we can go anywhere with their kids, we just go. Adult kids have lost respect for their parents and we will not tolerate any disrespect from our kids at 5 or 25.

So yes, I am in control and I don't plan to loose that place as head of my family. Its a tough way to raise kids and I know that, but the miss treatment of parents by their adult kids is out of hand. Using grandkids as pawns. Set your boundaries and don't get run over. They will respect you in the end.

This Sunday is my daughter's birthday and she wants fried deer meat, mash potatoes, corn, and gravy. I will have her and her husband, my son and his wife, along with my grandkids all at the table. There will not be any fussing, no one is going to say anything disrespectful, its going to be a blessing. But you know why that is, because I am in control of my house. I am still the head of my family and my kids know that.

Now all that may sound mean or mean spirited but it works for me and my wife. If your kids drop off the grandkids and want them in bed by 8, no sugar, no caffeine, no gluten, no red meat, etc etc. And you follow all those rules, then that's great, your grandkids think your house sucks!!

A good grandma is a wonderful thing. My grandma always had a cold biscuit a piece of bacon. Along with plenty of 22 lr bullets.

The only problem with your way of doing things Bama-earl is it’s not biblical. The Bible tells us once we marry that we’re joined as one and responsible for or to our spouse for life. You no longer answer to your parents but your spouse. In the same thread the grandparents have absolutely no say as to how the rules are set for a child’s raising. It may hurt your feelings but that’s fact and it’s eternal truth. Only when the boomers started aging did “grandparents setting rules” even become a thing. I couldn’t imagine my grandparents disrespecting my parents so blatantly by saying that they need to have their own special set of rules or they won’t help them. Guess my family runs a little different.

I've seen parents that rely on grandparents for child care put up with most anything to keep the peace until they don't need the child care anymore. Then the grandparents wonder why the kids don't visit when they get a little older. Thankfully my parents respected my wishes on major rules and I respected their wishes on spoiling my daughter a little. If I couldn't trust them to enforce the rules I think are important she wouldn't have visited without me. If my father had your attitude he'd never have seen my daughter without me there to supervise them both. My child my rules. Don't like it? Too bad for you.

Bingo. My kid trumps your “house rules.” If I tell you not to do something with my child and you do it, you’re the disrespectful one. My father is no longer in charge of me.

Im smart enough to look at my peers, and realize my parents did a good job. When they ask to keep mine, I ask them what time and where they wanna meet me. Much less, question their plans or give orders. That’s the dumbest thing you could do to a free babysitter.

The discussion is whether or not you’d allow them to have rules that blatantly contradict the rules at your house that you’ve set for your own kids. If your parenting styles align, then that’s great.

He's dysfunctional! He has no respect for his son or his son's wife nor any respect for either one of them as parents. The sad thing is he thinks he's a great parent and role model, but he isn't. He's an abuser, doesn't have to be physical but definitely emotional abuser. He is actively and purposely undermining his son and wife as parents.

He is ultimately teaching his grandchildren not to honor their parents.

This is a generational curse. The bible talks about it, sins of the forefathers. . It gets passed down from generation to generation because no one breaks free.

I’ve never had the rules discussion so I don’t know if we contradict each other. I’m just happy to get some free time to make ‘em another one.

Jeesh.

😆

Well I would just say, be glad your kids have living grandparents. They can’t be that bad I promise. The opposite is worse.

Ain’t that the truth. I remember going to eat fried chicken every Wednesday after school at one of my great grandmother’s house till I was a sophomore in high school. Didn’t find out she was an alcoholic until she died at 93 years old. Still is the best fried chicken I’ve ever had.

The answer is no way.

I’ve got way bigger things to worry about than my kids being spoiled by grandparents. I mean that’s there main job right? That being said my youngest can’t tolerate caffeine, at least not late afternoon. So I told them and next trip there was caffeine free there. Everybody is happy, kid still gets spoiled. Life’s to short for a lot of issues we create ourself lol.