Thank you for your service! I don't know that I have anything better to add over what the guys have alreay said. You have a wonderful family, bust your ass to keep it. Those kids don't need a new dad and your wife don't need a new husband, they need you even if it ain't at your 100% best. Put down the bottle and pick up the best part of your life, your wife and kids. Talk to your wife and ask her to help you. Have your testosterone levels checked, mine was low and I felt like chit. Do things as a family that makes you happy, happy activities will take your mind off the bad things for a while. Most of all find someone you can talk to, a local pastor is a great start and JESUS never hurts. You got this, never give up. I'll be praying for you.

Seek out Biblical counseling

Great advice in this thread and as others have said many of a have been down that road. There are days we all have to focus really hard on the positive. I promise you that if you allow it God will always be with you through the valleys as well as the mountain tops. Will be praying for you brother.

Prayers for you and your family. Don’t give up, lots of good advice on here and those children need you as well as your wife.

Holy cow, reading your experience felt like looking in the mirror.
I can't even begin to tell you how much we're alike, it would take a whole book.
Forget the VA mental health options, totally useless and a waste of time. You have to start by recognizing that much of this will get better but it'll never go away. You find ways to cope with it and identify certain triggers to avoid. You've got multiple triggers right now.
A. You recently retired and that causes considerable anxiety. You're fairly young and always had a career and responsibility. This a new world for you.
B. You experience loss of family or friends and maybe even some guilt to along with it.
C. We were pin cushion experiments for all kinds of unproven vaccines and we'll suffer long term health problems as a result. I'll bet you already have numerous health issues, like constant joint pain, early onset arthritis, neuropathy, sleep apnea and constant fatigue.
I could go on and on but like I said it would take a whole book.

I’m no expert but I think the first thing you need to do is stop drinking. There are a lot of people care about you including most of us here.

I'm praying for you, and pulling for you bud. Drinking is going to do nothing but temporarily numb the pain that your going through and won't solve anything. Sit down with a unbiased person or counselor and get things figured out. For a father and daddy to think that their kids need a better one is just the depression talking. Your kids couldn't ever have a better dad than you, you just have to put time and effort into it. Again, like everyone else has said, get help quick, and prayers sent!!!

Bigcountry, if you ever need someone to talk to or interact with, pm me and I’ll give you my phone number.

Other than having people there for you, find professional help. Go to a doctor, and seek Christian counseling.

There’s nothing better in this world for your kids, than having their biological mom and dad at home, loving them and loving each other.

Hang in there man, I know first hand it’s a lot harder
to quit drinking than most people realize but with the way
you’re talking I would say you need to get some
help even if that’s an in patient detox. Hang in there
and get better so you can enjoy life and your family

I really hate to read that bigcountry. You sound like a good guy who's going through a lot simultaneously. A lot of good advice on this thread already. I think the most important being 1) to find a quality church that you fit in with and feel comfortable with seeking their consoling, 2) find a route to take the alcohol out of the equation, and 3) seek out some medical help for any chemical/vitamin/etc balances that could be harming you. I bet if you do those three things you would be a good road to things improving with your wife, and hopefully she'll start pulling for you. You already outlined how great your children are, and I bet if they were to list the most important and valuable things in their life, their relationship with Daddy would be at the top of list.

I know I saw a friend of mine totally and completely change once he got alcohol out of his system and got some help with chemical/vitamin/etc issues that were harming him. He's doing so well now with his wife and work life it's unbelievable. I only bring that up to provide some hope, which it sounds like is in short supply now. Good luck man!

Prayers for you and your family. What you have is worth doing whatever it takes to be there for.. All the above is awesome advice and church helped me a lot even though I have quit going like I used to, I still do not close my eyes without a talk with my father. Depression is a monster to get through but it will pass and come back like a wave. Take advantage of the good times and they will hang around more than the bad eventually but you have to water your own grass to keep it green as the neighbors.

Make the most of every minute with the family. Instead of spending money on that Alcohol spend it on a family bowling night or something, maybe even a baby sitter for 3 hours to take the wife out for a dinner. Kid's can make a wedge in your relationship also. They are awesome but you need some us and me time in there also.

Losing a close loved one is awful but something that is inevidible in this life. We all go through it and there is nothing we can do to stop it the majority of the time. Everyone will be touched by this and someday you will leave some one behind yourself, so make the most of it that you can.

This is your new job. Put the work in my man. You got this.

Prayers for you.

It sounds trite, but acknowledging the issue is a big step. Find someone you can talk with openly and honestly, and make time to do the same with your wife. Communication is the key. Gotta quit drinking, too. That's just a crutch.

God bless y'all.

Like the others thanks for your service 🇺🇸I can’t say I how you feel except I lost my Dad to suicide many years ago I lost a wife to death some 17 years ago and have been alone ever sense. Now you need to stop and look around you and y’all find a lot of folks in a lot worse situation. If you are not a Christian I suggest you just simply sit down and take a really deep breath, relax and scream as loud and long as you can. Now say Lord I need your strength and help HE will answer you. Now if you want to talk to a person find you a Preacher pour out your heart ♥️ I am no expert but being almost 82 years old I have been on top of the mountain and I have been at the bottom and a lot of in between I am getting to stop now and Pray for your situation so close your eyes and be calm for just a few minutes 🙏

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, thank you for your service. Some good advice above, look to God for help.

Sounds like you are struggling with symptoms of depression. You need to find a good marriage therapist and a doctor you can trust. A Marriage therapist is cheaper than a divorce attorney, also after all is said and done you get keep your wife and children. It will not be easy but it will be worth it. Sounds like you have a great family.

This is very true. I can retire now but I’m trying to stretch out 2 more years. I am tired and broke down!! The “next career” thing give me great anxiety as well. Get help Friend. Don’t try to go alone at it.

Great advice above, you've already a step closer to healing by admitting you have a problem. Hang in there, you got this!!

hang in there, stop drinking, and start being the man of the house for the family. Life is full of ups and downs, don't give up on your family. its also kind of natural to be depressed in the dead of winter.

I get depressed in the dead of summer!
And by the way, what is this "winter" you speak of???