I'm not saying this will work for everyone but it will work more times than not, I would bet. I got divorced about 11 years ago and we didn't like, respect or love each other. My ex wife told me she was going to ask for full custody and that I'd be welcome to see my daughter whenever I wanted. She wanted full custody so she wouldn't have to worry about the courts if she decided to move but it was really to drive home the point of me being a bad husband . She was hurt and angry and wanted me to suffer. She knew me and knew I wasn't going to give her full custody but she also knew I didn't really have the money for a long custody battle because at the same time we were going through the divorce, I was losing my business of 15 years.

I was just transitioning into my current profession and rebuilding income and could barely afford the essentials at the time but I knew I'd rebuild eventually and be financially stable again. I decided to take a different path than most and asked her to go to dinner one night to discuss the divorce and all the things we would need to deal with as a result. I wanted to figure out a way to make this as easy as possible for my daughter. So, when we got to dinner I told her I wanted to figure out what she wanted and I would do my best to accommodate her if possible. That eased the tension to start. Then I wrote down all of our assets and possessions and asked her what she thought was fair. She wanted nearly everything we owned and wanted to split the equity in our home which was around 75k. I told her she could have everything and we'd split the equity just as she wanted but under one condition. I looked her in her eyes and told her that she knew I would never settle for being an every other weekend father and that I intended to be a nearly every day presence in my daughter's life. I told her that if she would agree to joint custody and no set visitation schedule that I'd agree to give her what she wanted materially. I say all of this knowing that she really didn't want to keep me from my daughter so none of this will probably work on a truly vindictive, selfish person. She was still concerned about the moving part if she agreed to joint custody but I told her if it was a better financial situation for her I wouldn't stop them but she could be sure that where ever she moved, I'd be right behind her moving too. We both agreed and it was settled.

I know I could have fought and gotten more of the assets and still gotten joint custody but would anything I did truly be helping my daughter or would it be just to satisfy my own greed and need for retribution. I figured I could rebuild and replace assets easier than my ex wife (teacher) and anything I gave her would be a help to my daughter so I didn't worry about vehicles, furniture or anything else because I kept focused on what was the main goal which was having a good, consistent relationship with my daughter. That flies in the face of the conventional wisdom of "get a lawyer and fight her for every dime and don't get taken advantage of" . If you decide to fight for everything don't be surprised when your ex fights back with the things that matter most to you. Yes, it's wrong and selfish but it's reality more times than not. If you decide to fight and wind up with everything except a relationship with your children, what did you really win or hang onto that was so important that it made it worth it?

In the last 10 years I've moved 3 times for my ex to pursue better jobs. I've helped her and her 2nd husband move and they've helped me move. I've been at every school function and sporting event my daughter has ever had. I pick her up and eat dinner with her nearly every night. I don't ask to go get my daughter and I don't ask before scheduling our vacations other than making sure it doesn't conflict with my ex's schedule. I go get my daughter whenever I want. My daughter knows I support her mother when it comes to parenting and vice versa. I talk to my ex regularly in regards to my daughter and the decisions we need to make for her. It's taken years but she realizes that me being an every day part of my daughter's life has been good for my daughter. It's definitely been good for me.

So, if you want to go about things in the traditional manner then have at it and strap your gloves on and duke it out with the attorneys and the courts. Just don't be shocked when it goes the way it has traditionally gone. Decide what's really important and then go figure out how to make it happen. It might mean putting your pride aside and putting your children ahead of yourself but you, and your children , will be happier in the long run. I was lucky in the fact my ex knew my daughter needed her father so I understand that the approach I took won't work if the woman you're dealing with doesn't care for the children as much as she cares about her self.

I'm not saying this will work for everyone but it will work more times than not, I would bet. I got divorced about 11 years ago and we didn't like, respect or love each other. [snip] I was lucky in the fact my ex knew my daughter needed her father so I understand that the approach I took won't work if the woman you're dealing with doesn't care for the children as much as she cares about her self.