I often read a particular automotive forum in hopes that one day I'll become a real man and learn how to fix my own vehicles. Just today there's a discussion over there about some of the crazy things people pour into their engines and automatic transmissions instead of OIL and ATF in either emergency situations or as a result of crazy ideas.

I relayed that I know a man who said he once owned a late 70s Camaro with an automatic transmission. For some reason the ATF level got low when he was several miles from home. This man told me that all he had in the car when he looked around was a big family size box of condoms, some Hank, Jr. cassette tapes, and a two-liter Coca-Cola.

He poured that two-liter Coca-Cola into the ATF filler tube, he said, and "it took gear and I drove it all the way home with no problems."

Now I cannot vouch for the truth of that story or its automotive soundness, but I can vouch for this: (1) the man was a good teller of stories, (2) he was a good shade tree mechanic who worked on my 1994 Toyota truck a few times with success, (3) and once when he caught his wife cheating on him he took her laptop computer by which she had been conversing with her new man and threw it into their swimming pool and then went out and set his wife's new car on fire and burned that son-of-a-gun to the ground!!

I later visited this man in the county jail. I felt it was my Christian duty to do so.

So . . . y'all reckon a car will actually go with Coca-Cola in the transmission?

Don't know about the Coca-Cola. I would have let it sit and called a tow truck.

I am interested though if either of the incidents you listed caused the jail trip. Wouldn't seem like a jailing offence to me.

I don't know if it would actually work or not but that guy sounds like he would be a good one to hang out with from time to time....

It would prolly work if you were a quart or so low but once it got hot I bet that sugar would crystallize and it would be the last time it worked.

Family size box of condoms is an oxymoron.

I'd drink a beer with him

I was thinking the same thing

My oldest brother put Lord Calvert in the master cylinder of his old 71 Blazer.

I don't want to say too much because some of his family still live around here, but there were other actions taken that resulted in the sheriff showing up. I saw this same man take a can of either and a Zippo lighter and kill about 50,000 hornets once. I was impressed.

I know a man whose wife was cheating on him by use of their Cadillac. He burned it up with no consequences since he did not file an insurance claim and he chose not to sign a warrant against himself. Generally speaking, it is legal to destroy your own property if you have a mind to do so.

In Alabama burning a car is not the crime of Arson. It is Criminal Mischief, the degree of which is based on the value of the vehicle. Now if you use an explosive device you may be getting into other charges.

Once put quart of marvel mystery oil in a sixspeed Harley Tranny worked till the owner could get back home and drain&refill with proper oil.

That's because all Marvel Mystery oil is is automatic transmission fluid with spearmint flavor added....

Seriously... If you have some sticky or noisy hydraulic lifters, add about a quart of MMO or automatic transmission fluid to your oil afew hundred miles before the next oil change and it will help clean them out.

I would love to see the aftermath of the Coke in the Transmission. I bet that was a sticky burnt mess.

It may have gotten him home but just because it mixed with what ATF was still in the system. Coke is mostly water and water has almost no lubricity to it. Water will ruin bearings and he more than likely had a frothy mess in his trans.

MMO does indeed have a pleasing minty aroma that inspires confidence and courage in anyone who uses it. You almost feel it could be used as an aftershave in a pinch.

A great word! Lubricity is our ALDEER word of the day. Let's try to use it as often as we can here on the forum.

Nice work, Rmart30.