I'm certainly no expert by any means, and don't claim to be.

That said, I think your biggest issue is that you and your wife are not on the same page. You're fighting a battle with her on discipline, and your kids are getting mixed messages. Kids need consistency in punishment...otherwise they'll soon figure out they can pit you and your wife against each other.

You and your wife need to sit down, come to an agreement on how you're going to move forward with discipline, and then implement the plan together. Hold each other accountable.

Our 11 year old is no different than any of yours. He's a great kid who makes excellent grades, but he's also constantly testing the boundaries. My wife and I struggled a little until we sat down and put ourself on the same page together on how to handle him.