Busy as a one arm paper hanger.
Wild as a gut shot indian.

When a buck toof woman leaves the room. Her teef still hangin out.

Drunker than a cricket in a hubcap.

When someone farts- you tell them somebody is talking shi$ behind their back and they have bad breath

buy once - cry once

He is so bowlegged, he couldn't hem a hog in a ditch. Life is a chit sandwich and everyday is a new bite. I will be on you like white on rice. That boy is a dirt road sport ain't he. She is built like a brick chit house. If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped. If wishes were horses ,beggars would ride.

Dumber than a sack of hammers

Deader than John Wayne Gacy’s paperboy

You can marry more money in 10 minutes than you can make in a lifetime.

I am so broke, if sailboats were a penny a piece, all i could do is run the bank yelling thats a damn good deal!

Ya mama so hairy, Bigfoot take pictures of her.
If it's got tires or tits, sooner or later you're going to have trouble with it.

Messed up as a soup sandwich

My dad when spraying pb blaster or wd-40 on a rusty bolt. "Let's hit it with a little jism juice".
Always thought that one was odd

Actually heard this today when a older gentleman I know was talking about his grandson about to shoot a monster buck!

Dr. B

A feller talking about fighting said "I'll be hitting you so hard and fast you'll be hollering y'all quit"\

Another feller talking about fighting said "If I get on you it's gonna take a wrecker to pull me off"

The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

We just know what works for us.

Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer. Winter is coming ,hogs are toten sticks.

You could screw up a 2 car funeral

You play chity games you win chity prizes

This one I heard the other day and bout fell out "he's happier than Richard Simmons in a barrel of greased arse holes"

Waiting on a Woman.....Oh we all have!!!!!!!!!

It don’t matter where you are there you are.