I went through this in 2008. You cannot blame yourself!!! I did this for months, nothing good come of it. Focus on God, your children & find a friend to listen without judgement. Talking about anything other than her will be the best therapy you can do. I know it dont feel like it but there is a good woman out there that will apreciate a good man. It took me two years to find her but I have a wonderful god fearing woman that loves and apreciates me.