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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 26,797 Likes: 2
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 26,797 Likes: 2 |
Get the best lawyer that you can find and get your kids. DON'T TRUST HER FOR A SECOND. She is going to screw you over in every way possible. Go after her for child support and alimony.
If it is going down then you fire the first shot NOW. When I say now if you haven't called a lawyer, then go do it RIGHT NOW.
I speak from experience.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 8,210
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 8,210 |
I am very sorry for the troubles you and your family are going through. If I might make a couple of recommendations and I hope I don't offend you, in regards to the well-being of you and your children.
1. If you do not attend church regularly, I would start and try to take your children every single time - this will give you good quality time with your children.
2. Don't discuss your wife in any manner other than positive with your children.
3. Make every attempt to be the primary caregiver with joint custody.
4. Stay as involved as possible with your children.
5. Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - it will not lessen the pain. Avoid the bar scene at all cost.
6. Take up a physical hobby that you can do at home i.e. woodcarving, metalwork, rebuild a car...etc. Something that you can see results at the end of the day.
7. Don't get in a hurry to start dating - since you don't want the divorce, there will be several stages with denial being the longest that you will go through prior to accepting the fact that the relationship is over.
Best wishes for all concerned. That is excellent advice. Wish someone had told me that 20 years ago.
There are two types of gun enthusiasts ... Those who have been F#CKED by PTG and those who will be!
~ unknown
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 24,508
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 24,508 |
I am very sorry for the troubles you and your family are going through. If I might make a couple of recommendations and I hope I don't offend you, in regards to the well-being of you and your children.
1. If you do not attend church regularly, I would start and try to take your children every single time - this will give you good quality time with your children.
2. Don't discuss your wife in any manner other than positive with your children.
3. Make every attempt to be the primary caregiver with joint custody.
4. Stay as involved as possible with your children.
5. Avoid alcohol and/or drugs - it will not lessen the pain. Avoid the bar scene at all cost.
6. Take up a physical hobby that you can do at home i.e. woodcarving, metalwork, rebuild a car...etc. Something that you can see results at the end of the day.
7. Don't get in a hurry to start dating - since you don't want the divorce, there will be several stages with denial being the longest that you will go through prior to accepting the fact that the relationship is over.
Best wishes for all concerned. X2! Great advice. Infidelity wrecks trust and destroys what God designed as sacred. You didn't choose a broken marriage but yet it is right at your doorstep. You have choices to make now that will have deep and long lasting impacts. But most importantly, you have two children that are watching you to see what you will say, how you will act, and your entire attitude. I'd encourage you to get some wise and good Christ-centered counsel for yourself. Divorce is destructive in many ways, so start this week getting emotionally prepared. Talk it through with your children in a way that they can see you love them and that you can be loving-kind-gentle with your wife even if what you really feel is hate and anger at times. You have to choose now how you will react and what that will teach your kids as they are watching your every move. Kids are so perceptive. They can see and recognize good hearts, good character, love, peace and patience. Model that for them even though you've been wronged. If you need to confess your own shortcomings and faults, that is important for them to hear also because it shows that you are being open, honest and truthful. I'd also encourage you to find a support group called Divorce Care through a local church. It is a fine program that relies on the love of Christ to help you through the difficulties and to put everything into Godly perspective--not a worldly perspective. I'll pray for you. This is the advice that will do you the most good. Fighting dirty and being vengeful might satisfy you for a moment but you will be worse off in the long run. I've been where you are at. Put God first and everything else will follow. Your children are going to need Godly leadership to come out of this with their sense of security and mental health intact and its up to you to help them through it.
" I do view Jim Waltz as a really good Presidential candidate"
Bama_Earl
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,524
10 point
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10 point
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,524 |
Not sure if its been mentioned. But get a credit check pulled asap. Some ex's like to open a couple of credit cards, phone accounts etc. in your name. When they quit paying they come after you cause your SS# is on it. I know from experience
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,524
10 point
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10 point
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,524 |
If all else fails..doink her sister/cousin/mother/BFF if you can as get back. Speaking from experience again
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,173
6 point
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6 point
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,173 |
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,577
12 point
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12 point
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,577 |
Just remember she cheated on you way more than twice. Thats just what you caught her at. No truer words can be said ... If you found out 2x then its probable that shes been at it for a whole lot more than you know about. I've been there too brother. I forgave my ex wife the first time and thought we had made it through the bad stuff but then it happened again. Second time I went on the offensive and won custody of my 2 daughters. Now, 12 years later, my daughters are a huge blessing to me and neither one of them has ever given me a lick of trouble. I really just want to offer up 3 things for ya ... 1) Cheating is rarely about the other spouse, it usually indicates a character defect and other issues related to the cheater. Don't let your guilt over your own mistakes lead you to believe she was justified because she wasn't 2) God wants your children and you are the only person qualified to lead them to Him. Take charge and do exactly that, God will bless both you and your children 3) Prayers for peace and strength coming your way ... Good advise!!!!!
‘Obama Is the Greatest Hoax Ever Perpetrated on the American People’ - Clint Eastwood
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,129
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,129 |
Toughest decision I ever made was to walk away from the cheating mother of our two children. I tried for 2 years to get past it but couldn't! I went down a bad road afterwards and it cost me dearly and the worst part of that was that I knew it would. All I can tell you is that life get's much better and if you stay in their lives the kids adjust. It sucks but they are all that matters now. I didn't get married and have children to become an every other weekend father and I fought it as hard as I could but jealousy and the devil ate me alive and dang near killed me. Keep your head up and know that if you are there for them they will know and the circumstances will even come to light eventually in their eyes. For me the light at the end of the first tunnel was a train but I survived and found my way to the other side. A bitch like that won't make it easy on you but as the kids get older and see that their father never gives up, and they will, they will have that much more respect for you! Life will be much better! I will say a prayer that only folks like us can understand for you! Great words. Been there myself friend. Spend all the time with your kids you can, don't put them in the middle of it, don't talk bad about their mother in front of them and it will all work out and probably for the better too.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 860
6 point
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6 point
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 860 |
Thanks guys for all your sound advice. God will take care of me and the kids. I know that for a fact. Looking at some of your comments, I believe it will be for the better in the long run. My kids are my number one priority right now. I don't have a job, so getting a lawyer is out of the question. I'm going back to school right now to better myself and to be able to support my kids better. It's hard to comprehend when we got a new house back in August. I lost my job in September and now going through a divorce. I have a lot on my plate right now.
Shane
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,100
10 point
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10 point
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 4,100 |
Praying for you and your kids.
"Make a difference, take a kid hunting".
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,043
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,043 |
I always say that God does this for a reason. When you least expect it, he will drop the right woman right in front of you. Don't go looking to find her, she will find you.
Is it Hunting Season Yet?
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 43,561
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 43,561 |
LUCK:::; When presistence, dedication, perspiration and preparation meet up with opportunity!!!
- - - - - - - -A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take everything you have. Thomas Jeferson - - - - - - - -
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,173
6 point
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6 point
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,173 |
get the clap and get her drunk for one more time around the track for old times sake!
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 542
4 point
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4 point
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 542 |
As stated above, don't fight with or say anything negative about the ex in front of the kids. That puts more stress on the kids. I've seen kids thrive with divorced parents and I've seen them crash and burn hard. I've lost two cousins to drugs because of an ugly divorce, one I will never see again and the other still has a chance if he wants it. Both were very happy positive kids before the divorce.
Another thing is when you are with the kids be engaged with them not just there.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,021
6 point
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6 point
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,021 |
Best thing ever happened to me was divorcing my first wife. We were young but it was 4 years of hell. Stayed as long as I could for my son. She dogged me to him but I never said anything bad about her. I spent every time I saw him showing him through my actions she was full of it. He is 26 now and we have a great relationship, he has nothing to do with her. he only sees her on holidays and that is mainly for his grandmother. A year after the divorce I met my current wife of 18 years have 2 wonderful daughters and couldn't be happier. Just let her go she's not worth it. My ex is still the same piece of crap she was back then
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 37,679
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 37,679 |
Hopefully ya'll can both do what's best for the kids and not use them as if they are a rope in a divorce tug of war. I've was that rope, in a very, very nasty divorce, nuff said. Good luck to ya.
"Why do you ask"?
Always vote the slowest path to socialism.
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 308
4 point
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4 point
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 308 |
Been down that road myself. I can tell you that not seeing my kids every morning and night never gets ok. I have a great relationship with my ex wife and my kids. Im involved in almost every minute of their lives. But it still isn't enough for me. Do not let her start to dictate how and when you see them, ever. They want and need you and often you will need to be THEIR voice in making sure she never forgets that. BOTH of you go to their school functions, their sporting events, ballet....whatever. And sit together if you can do it. Good luck brother and it does get better. If there is one piece of advice I could give you its this.....
The kids need both of you to act like adults and let them be kids!! Don't make them grow up to fast because of this.
Some do, some don't....what's it gonna be?
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,573
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,573 |
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,630
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,630 |
You got any nekkid pictures of her? This man is really grieving and you make a comment like this? Totally uncalled for in my opinion!  Trkyhuntr, will sure keep you in my prayers.
Cuz-Pat
Patton's European Mounts
Professional Quality Skull & Antler Taxidermy
Since 1998
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 800
6 point
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6 point
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 800 |
Been there, done that. Hurt like hell for a long time. LESSON LEARNED - marriage is for love, divorce is BUSINESS! Do not capitulate to try win her back! Never works!
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