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123 members (jmj120, Dragfan66, timberwolfe, KnightRyder, Double Creek2, HHSyelper, Morris, mayberry51, m97, Chiller, deadeye48, cch, ParrotHead89, Backwards cowboy, TideWJO, PourIron12, Kennnn, CKyleC, Meatn3, Irishguy, Fishbones, janiemae, 700ltr308, Shotts, walt4dun, Vernon Tull, Spec, green river 123, Solothurn, WDE, 000buck, Peach, Okalona, NotsoBright, Cynical, Hunting-231, BearBranch, thayerp81, DuckDown11, Mike32, Hoytdad10, hippi, auman, Beer Belly, Tall Dog, Brian_C, low wall, 7PTSPREAD, DHW, jchurch, XVIII, BCD, CNC, PossumPecker, ALclearcut, T-Rock, Garndawg, M48scout, pass thru, RLP76, claybird, limabean, coldtrail, Red Fox, AJones, quickshot, Tracker, BrentsFX4, eclipse829, Turkeyneck78, BatesConst, filespinner, misfire, desertdog, Luxfisher, wk2hnt, Lil_Fella, hoggin, jaredhunts, C3SEAST, Mbrock, booner, Fattyfireplug, 10 POINT, JohnG, abolt300, Geeb, Bad bronco, TurkeyJoe, rutwad, Otiscat13, Longtine, Ben2, Floorman1, Gut Pile 32, BamaRick, Prohunter3509, SwampdonkeyTSD, MikeP, COOTER, sidehitter, CrappieMan, Bowfish, Skullworks, Flyliner, Ol’Tom, Big AL 76, dave260rem!, Parker243, Gunpowder, Stewart36567, 12 invisible),
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Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
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Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 92
spike
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spike
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 92 |
dumber than a box of rocks
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 15
spike
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spike
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 15 |
Her teeth looked like a 40 acre field of burnt stumps.
I feel like I've been ate by a wolf and chit off a cliff.
Pick up line: Would you rather be with a hero, or a zero?
Pick up line 2: I've got an 8-inch tounge & I can breathe through my ears.
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,188 Likes: 14
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,188 Likes: 14 |
He couldnt get laid in funeral home full of dead prostitutes
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 579
4 point
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4 point
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 579 |
When someone is complaining that they wished something was different, "Well if Grandma had a di*$, she'd be grandpa!"
Last edited by KYLongGun; 08/12/13 06:22 AM.
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 7,268 Likes: 9
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 7,268 Likes: 9 |
Get'n the house boy, they's a lectric cloud coming.
I was feeding my pet deer and that ole B%^&$ lambed the hell out of me. What did you do? I lambed her a$$ back!
"Hell with them fellows, buzzard got to eat same as a worm"
Josey Wales
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 14,318 Likes: 4
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 14,318 Likes: 4 |
i`m so hungry my stomach thinks my throats been cut
i`m so hungry my a$$hole is knawing at my underware
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 140
3 point
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3 point
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 140 |
Grandad told me this one time while helping him build a fence.
"You couldn't scratch your ass with a handful of fish hooks"
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138 |
Can't make chicken salad outa chicken chit.
It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chews your a$$ all day long.
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 39,598
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 39,598 |
Grandad told me this one time while helping him build a fence.
"You couldn't scratch your ass with a handful of fish hooks" WINNER! That's hilarious.
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978 |
My throat's so dry I'm farting dust!
Well I'll be a yella eyed damn!
Crazy as a sprayed roach!
IF a bullfrog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped!
Busy as a cat covering $hit on a tin roof!
Is a 40 lb robin fat?
Lies so bad he'd stand on a stump and swear a tree never grew there!
You've got 2 ears and one mouth for a reason!
IF bullfrogs carried 357 magnums we wouldn't have to worry about water moccasins!
Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience. Emerson
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,471 Likes: 4
I am Cornholio
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I am Cornholio
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,471 Likes: 4 |
If you’re a common sense person, you probably don’t feel you have a home in this world right now. If you’re a Christian, you know you were never meant to.
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138 |
"And if my aunt had a sac she'd be my uncle"
"Just can't fix stupid"
"Don't know his a$$ from a hole in the ground"
" couple of sammiches short of a good picnic"
"Ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer"
" The dumba$$ disease done ate him slap up"
"He done screwed da pooch"
"Slow as molasses on a cold mornin"
"That boy was so drunk he couldn't grab his a$$ with both hands"
"He thinks he a smart feller but ain't nuttin but a fart smeller"
Got a lot more just have to think awhile
Last edited by marshmud991; 08/12/13 02:40 PM.
It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chews your a$$ all day long.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,717 Likes: 1
10 point
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10 point
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,717 Likes: 1 |
"Lawd how Mercy"...Lord have Mercy
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 140
3 point
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3 point
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 140 |
Some other ones my grandad has said:
"You can kiss my sisters black cats ass"
"You're so damn tight, I hear you squeak when you walk"
"You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground"
Honestly I've forgotten most of them. He has a new saying every time I see him, and most of them are pretty vulgar haha
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978 |
Scarce as hens teeth!
Tighter than a ducks ass!
Tight as Dick's hat band!
Tough as woodpecker lips!
Tough as super man's knee caps!
Hard as 5 dollars worth of 3 cent jawbreakers!
Crazy as a run over dog!
Thick as fleas on a long haired dog in August!
If I tell you a grasshopper will pull a turning plow you better hook him to it!
I'll be all over you like white on rice!
I'll be on you like a duck on a junebug!
So hungry my belly button is rubbing a blister on my backbone!
Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience. Emerson
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978 |
Couldn't hit a bear in the ass with a bass fiddle!
Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience. Emerson
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 11,195 Likes: 138 |
"Screwed up like a snake in a bush hog"
It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chews your a$$ all day long.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,565
Footbsll Bat PSYOPS
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Footbsll Bat PSYOPS
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,565 |
"She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book."
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,978 |
So ugly she has to sneak up on the dipper to get a drink!
Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience. Emerson
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 105
3 point
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3 point
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 105 |
Some of my dad's favorites:
Worthless as tits on a boar hog.
I'll be John Brown.
That don't make a hill of beans.
When we're talking and I say, "I see", he'll say "I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw."
If I made a wrong assumption he'll give the classic line about making an ass out of you and me or he'll say, "well you thought like Caesar."
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