Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum CHILD SUPPORT QUESTION?

Do you have custody? Do you have a visitation agreement? If not there is nothing you can do other than to go back to court and apply for custody and a visitation agreement.

Child support and these things are completely separate.

Make your payments without fail. Enforce your rights as a parent with the court if need be. He is your son. Don't let anything come between you two.

Do you have shared custody or joint custody?

These issues are too important to leave up to an Internet forum. I strongly encourage you to seek out the legal Schtick in your county and get their advice.

Great advice, hold her accountable.

bps,
My mother and father went thru a bitter divorce when i was very young, they hated each other with a passion, my mom did things just like what your ex is doing. my mother would go out of her way to throw my dad under the bus. anything i didnt have or get to do was always his fault, even though she wouldnt work in a dang pie factory as a taster. she would not let my dad visit or spend time with us. The only way I knew my Dad loved me is I would see that check from the clerk every month. im 43 yrs old now and im very close to my dad, and the only time i hear from my mom is when she wants something. If that tells you anything. Fight , fight ,fight for your son he needs you in his life, believe me.

Bingo, best advice yet and I couldn't have said it better. If she continues to fail to live up to the visitation agreement and you do nothing about it, the judge will eventually decide that your son wasn't important enough to you ... Nip it in the bud while you can.

I've been through a bitter divorce and custody battle so I know how bad it sucks to have to deal with her ... Just remember that boy needs you to be present in his life, he needs you to be strong and deal with her anyway, he needs you to stand up and set an example for him of how a man should act when his mother is being a cold bitch from hell.

Best advice I got during my battle was from a friend who had been thru it years earlier and it went something Like this; "Your kids are smart and eventually they will figure out who there mother is. If you try to help them figure it out they will hate you for it."

Never, never, never speak badly about his mother for any reason whatsoever as it will come back and bite you in the butt if you do. Not only that but it will cause your son to suffer more than he has to. If she is feeding him crap about you and you are above reproach, he will figure that out too and it will bite her butt some day ...

I mean really, you gotta put that boy above and beyond yourself in every way. You gotta dig deep and find what you need to be a gentleman and a strong example for him when she is acting the opposite. If you can do that then this boy stands a really good chance of recovering from this devastating situation. You think it's tough on you? It's twice as bad for him

Court...

Thanks guys. I got some really good advice here. I wanted to do the right thing and I think her behavior was begining to rub off on me when I know better. "Never wrestle with a pig in the mud because you both get dirty and only one of you likes it". I'm planning on paying it on time and calling today to attempt to get him this weekend. We will see how it goes. Thanks for steering me back to being an adult.

I have joint custody but she has physical custody.

I would go back to court and have it documented how many times you've seen him. By her not letting you see him on fathers day, that isn't acceptable. If she is that vindictive, if you do buy him a prepaid phone, she'll probably use up all the minutes.

Keep records of everything. Calls, visits, turndowns, her reasons, dates, times, and record calls (even though you may not be able to use recordings in court). Any time you go to pick him up and she refuses, it would be good to have a friend handy as a witness.
Start building a case, because you may need the facts.

If your child support is paid by you directly to her without going through children's services I would make sure I was getting a signed receipt for the payment.

One other point, You can't let your son choose between his friends or whatever activity and whether or not he comes to see you. First of all you can't "let the tail wag the dog" . He is 11. You tell him where he goes not the other way around. Secondly, most Judges are not going to get too upset at her about you missing time if you have consented to allowing the child to dictate his schedule.

You can use recordings as long as you are one of the people in the conversation. Third party recordings will get you put in jail. Now...you might not want to pay a lawyer to listen to them though.

Follow this advice to a T. If visitation isn't specified then get it specified, but be lenient on both parties. If he want's to go TO Grandma's with MoM let him. There will be time it will work in you favor.

Great advise. I have seen this happen before, especially when someone was paying with cash.

My advise, get a lawyer and take her to court have her held in contempt. Since she is the one at fault, your lawyer can ask the court to make her pay his fee.

Bro I don't know you....but what I do know is this.....she can and needs to go F*** herself. I despise the fact that my ex is oxygenated daily with what some stuff that has gone on in regards to our kids together. and some stuff that hasn't gone in with her in her search for $$ and someone elses kids....for another story.
But, unless you have criminal history, insecurities deemed by health professionals or something of that nature...those holidays or events you mentioned earlier are your days with your kid....as should be every minute you can.
I pay mine physically myself...I would write her checks and it would be 1-2 weeks later before she processed them. It created havoc for me...and my lack of accounting skills. So I got her account # and each 1st and 15th I deposit $$ directly into her account. Occasionally depending on her actions prior to those dates I will EXTEND time just to be a AZZZ....as I did last month for 15 days. That isn't right to do but just like this month I have been with kids everyday of week with the exception of Wednesdays for softball and so forth...while she hasn't done anything in regards to their schedules to help....
Straight from my attorney's mouth was keep a written daily journal of events that happen and a copy of text/emails when conversation are made.....

putting aside all the hatred for her.....BE THE BEST DAMN DAD YOU CAN BE TODAY! he will remember that more than anything and the circle will come around when he realizes MOM kept him from being with you.

After reading your first post I felt like I was reading my own post. I had the same issues going on my son's mother. She was making the rules and I was having to play along. I know court cost and lawyer fees can be expensive but it is well worth it. After about 4 years in and out of court things are somewhat normal now. It took a judge telling her she better straighten up or else. I know this process is hard so hang in there.