Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum CHILD SUPPORT QUESTION?

Its no question that I've been having problems out of my ex-wife. I have a great relationship with my 11yr son. I've been divorced from his mom for 8yrs. Without wasting your time with every little detail, I have not seen him for the past 3wks. On fathers day (which he normally spends with me) I recieved a text from her at 6:45pm simply saying "happy fathers day from ___". I was pissed but didnt say anything. I just replied "thank you buddy, wish I could have seen you today". Never got a reply back from that. I bite my tounge all the time just to keep the peace. I can be hot headed and cop and attitude but with her I dont because I dont want her to use it against me. My birthday was Saturday and I never heard from him. With all this I'm not mad at him but at her. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect but as far as paying her and helping her, I feel like I do everthing right. She is crazy as one can be and mean as hell. I could go on and on about her behavior but wont boar you and frankly dont have enough space. I emailed her earlier and asked if we were going to be able pick him up Friday. Her reply " well we are suppose to be going out of town friday but ill check and see if he wants to come to your house". Now I'm normally ok with him making plans with her and not coming over to my house because I want him to have a good summer and get to have freinds there etc. Normally unless she is in one of her moods I get him a couple times or more every month. Here is the question. I pay my childsupport every month on the 1st, and after 8yrs, I have never missed or been late with a payment. I'm sure the only reason they will be able to go on vacation is because They will be getting $ from me and not getting it would probably damber their plans. If she chooses not to let me get him and I choose not to pay her on the 1ST but maybe the 5th or later what could happen? I dont want to play her games but I feel like its the only way to bargin. What could happen if it was a week or so late? I feel like this could blow up in my face somehow. Anyone ever been through something like this?

I haven't been in your shoes, but I try to live my life by one simple rule:

Always take the high road....always.

i feel like i've been taking the high road for too long. Time to get serious and quit being a whipping post for her.

If you delay the payment and if she is as crazy as you say she is, she will use it against you with your son. She will say. "You dad didn't pay so we can't go on vacation." or something like that.

Take the high road and I would ask to speak to him each time you call or text. You can work it into your conversation with him next time. Just ask him to call you instead of texting. Tell him you love to hear his voice and to talk to him.

He is 11 now. Ask him to man up some as well. Ask him to call you more often and talk to you.

Don't play her game - you should have a visitation order in place. If not go to court and get one. A pissing match will only harm your son.

X2.....and buy him a pre paid phone so he can call you and you don't have to deal with her any more than necessary. Oh and if it were me I would pay her in unrolled change dumped in a 5 gallon bucket every now and then just to prove a point and because you can!

one of the biggest henderences is that they are cell phone only. No land lines. If i want to talk to him I have to call her. Which sucks. i agree, he needs to initiate some of the calls. I can handle that. I just really get tired of feeling no respect other than the payday and I dont have a damn thing leg to stand. And it seems the only possible fault her is me not paying. She can as she damn near please and everything is good. I hold the money for a week or so and I'm screwed. All this is written in my divorce papers but they dont mean nothing without going back to court or hiring a lawyer to go to court with. I just wish she would freaking act right. Whats even worse is that I can talk with HER mom about everthing that goes on and her mom agrees with me on everything.

I don't have any advice on how/when to pay your support payments.

But I would recommend that you schedule some heart to heart time with your son to talk about visits, phone calls, texts, etc... A boy needs to know deeply and be reminded often that he is loved and adored by his father and that his father desires to spend as much time with him as possible, even if by text or phone call. Your son may already know that, so tell him again just to drive the point home. At age 11, he needs to hear it often. Talk to him about your frustration so that he knows that you desire for things to be as good as possible...without throwing your ex under the bus. I have a feeling you are already doing this, so just do it more.

Take the high road and send the payment as normal. Then do what you need to do to get more concrete visits and conversation time. If that means through the court, then do it.

I can't imagine what you are going through, so my prayers are sent for you, your situation, your son and for your ex-wife--that a happy and good schedule may come about where you son can thrive as best as possible given the split.

Ive thought about the prepaid phone thing and that is probably a really good idea.

If the divorce papers say that you have specific visitation priveleges then you need to go back to court. Don't without hold child support because
1) you were ordered to pay it
2) By not paying it your son could miss out on something he needs. It could be food, it could be clothes...this is hypothetical. In this situation do you really want to be responsible for your son missing out because you wanted to use the situation (aka him) to piss off your crazzy ass ex old lady?

Go back to court if she is not following the visitation plan laid out by the court system.

I think they have phones for kids that will only call one or two numbers. A regular cell phone for an 11 year old is probably a bad idea since you arent there to supervise him.

I hope you ex doesn't know anything about the existence Aldeer.com

Legal cases have been made over things posted on internet forums.

Have I really said anything inappropriat on here other than she is crazy? I would say that to her face. And as of today the child support is not due. Mainly I have vented my frustration about the situation and asked some advice from guys like me. Like I said earlier, I have done nothing but try and keep the peace with this whole ordeal.

Stray: I do need to do more of that and the only reason I dont is because I dont want to talk to his mom. Thats my problem and something I need to fix.

1+ on buying the phone. Your ex sounds like my best friends ex, he pay's for his son's cell phone and truck and told her that she has no control or say so in the matter of the 2. Buy your boy a prepaid phone and tell him to call you anytime.

Just to answer your question about delaying the payment, NO you will not get into trouble over a delayed payment.

You are right and I was not trying to tell you how to do your business but I have seen exes go at it on a couple of forums and things got very heated.

Hope you two workout the visitation issues to your boy's advantage.

Abide by the terms of the divorce, especially making sure you get your son when the papers say you get him. The longer you let it go with not seeing him, the more "evidence" she has that you don't want to see him. Don't let it get to that point. Take her back to court if it means no hunting lease, no fishing next weekend, disconnect the CATV/high speed internet, etc.. Whatever it takes to save the money to get her in court you gotta decide if your son is worth it. That may sound harsh but it had to be said.

Your right bud. No offense taken. I'm not trying to bring a bunch of drama to the forum like Facebook. I just felt like I could get some good non biased comments which I have done. I want to and really don't mind paying for my son. I do have a problem with the way it is used but that's another discussion. I want to do and plan on doing what is right I just don't feel like I am being done right.