Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum Sick Parent Advice

Things are starting to worsen with my father and mother. Fathers condition hasn't changed. Bedridden. Smokes like a chimney, which is a big complication for the future.

I'm now sitting in the ER waiting on a room for my Step Mother who has been fighting Leukemia. She was admitted this morning at Chattanooga CHI for what we now know is Congestive Heart Failure.

My biggest nightmare is her checking out before him. I can easily bring her to my house and convert the basement for her. I cannot do that with my father. I won't allow him to smoke in my house. 2 pack a day habit.

So if she goes first, he will have to go to a VA home. Also smoking now allowed, but he can rage at them rather than me and my family.

Have any of you been through any of this. They both are sideways about asset seizure if he goes in a home and she dies first. She won't go in a home, she'll come to me first.

How do you handle that aspect? I don't care if they take his SS or Military Pension. But the house, property, savings and such they do care about.

They have a will, but that only matters when both go and doesn't address the nursing home asset seizure thing.

Any suggestions would be helpful. PM if you're not comfortable posting here.

Thanks ahead of time for any advice.

Need to move the house and property into a living trust with your name on it also.

Sorry to hear of your situation and family health, I am in A similar boat with my folks also.

Prayers for your family during this difficult time

Find a lawyer that does Elder Law and meet with them. You can learn a lot in a one hour conference. I used Bill Nolan, https://elderlawalabama.com/

There will be a look back on assets to see how long it has been since they were moved if you choose that route.

This. As people are living longer this is becoming a struggle and it’s difficult getting information you need to help take care of them. Wife consulted with an Elder attorney when my already difficult MIL started getting worse and refusing medication and medical assistance. Not easy by any stretch but the attorney had lots of good advice.

I will pray for your situation.. as I have no advice.

I'm not a lawyer, but we had to get an attorney, then conservatorship when my father went into a nursing home. I was conservator. This is from my understanding. They do a 5 year look back.There's not much you can do now to save those assets if the nursing home files judgment. They will not take a vehicle or house as long as the other spouse is alive and is living in it or potentially living in it.
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I know of several people in my area that have went to Florida nursing homes and saved property including acerage. Florida isn't a greedy as alabama.

One thing I know for sure you need to do, if you havent already is get both to sign a power of attorney right now giving whom ever they want power to make financial and medical decisions. If they become unable. Someone is going to have to pay for it, if it gets to that point. It cost us $9,000 to go through the courts and do it.

Call Lynn Campisi, she's in Cahaba Heights. Her specialty is elderly law and she will be able to help you map out a plan and guide you through it. I've had to handle long term care for both of my grandmothers and my mother and Mrs. Campisi was a great help.

When my paternal grandmother got sick and needed skilled care I had no idea regarding how to handle it. My neighbor is an attorney so I went over and talked to him about the situation we were in. He told me that he was actually taking classes on elderly law from Mrs. Campisi and that I should call her.. It was great advice.

Fatty,
I'm a licensed Nursing Home Admin. Check your PM's.

I got my mother in an assisted living facility two months ago. She was in the hospital for a few weeks. Her doctor wanted her in a nursing home which got DHR involved. They called my niece and told her they needed 6 months of bank statements and a copy of of the deed to the old house. My niece placed my mother on a 3 way call and she told the DHR social worker she could shit and fall back in it before she got either. I’ve been her power of attorney for 2 years and I’m paying it out of her savings. But I’m going to sell her house soon. As I legally can. I’ve learned a lot recently in that nursing homes will go after every penny a person has. And my mother is just an old poor country woman that got a settlement when she was hit head on in an auto accident

My parents were allowed to split their assets before my mother went into a nursing home. This was in 03 in Ala.

This is one reason getting a long term care partnership insurance policy when you’re younger like 50s is a good idea. Partnership states like Florida and Alabama will allow you to protect additional assets if you were proactive and purchased a long term care partnership insurance policy. The reasoning is that you made an effort to buy a partnership plan and were proactive in your planning for your future care. It has to be a partnership long term care insurance policy. Don’t just buy any long term care policy.

I agree with those saying to consult a specialized elder care lawyer ASAP. We had to do that with wife’s parents issues and had trouble finding one that had time available. They deal with this stuff every day and have seen all sorts of situations. Even if they can’t give you a magic bullet, they can steer you away from any possible bad decisions and have the tools to put you on at least the best path.

If you’re broke and have been a bum your entire life, Medicare will fully fund it. If you were responsible and accumulated some assets, they will take them all. Sounds about par for the course these days.

It was setup that way. Capitalism has to have workers and generational wealth threatens that. They can't have wealth built through previous generations sweat equity getting in the way of their plan to keep the working class down.

Definitely consult with an elder care attorney. One thing I did was completely prepay the funerals to spend some money down . You are in trouble I am afraid on the look back law. Definitely see an attorney they know all the ropes.

Definitely talk to an attorney.

When my dad was in, the attorney did the math for us. If we moved everything into a trust, we would have had to pay around 320,000 grand before medicaid would pick up. If its two folks it would be double. I'm sure its more now.

Hus will be through the VA

The VA admission process is rather lengthy and detailed. Recommend you establish contact with them and see what is needed before the time comes. Both medical and military records required. Then there is also the waiting time for availability to be considered.

Do what Coldtrail said about getting power of attorney NOW. Otherwise prepare to be pissed off and shelling out money for nothing, unless you know an unethical Notary.

My mom just went through it with her mom.

Update. She has leukemia. The meds caused the chf issues. She goes home today without those meds, new meds coming I reckon. Long term is reduced her heart capacity just a tad, but not too bad. She might outlast him after all.