Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum retroactive child support

Anyone on here gone after it? Were you successful?

I have an ex that is giving me fits, and has dropped vistation days without asking of course, and just generally has been freeloading off my generosity. Her CS is so low, I figure I could easily double or triple it.

Kids and divorce is a life sentence.

Will cost you legal fees to find out probably. I have friends whose ex has taken them back for a raise in CS and got it.

I dunno. My father paid $30/month for my brother and I. $15 each, and bitched about it like they were castrating him. I'm still not sure how that worked, even back in the 70's and 80's.

But I've also known fellas that paid so much child support I wondered how they ate and paid the mortgage. Seems to be two extremes.

Personally, if I had an ex I didn't like or want the kids around, I'd be happy if they didn't pay and just disappeared. But I also know how hard it is for a single parent too.

It doesn’t have to be that way lockjaw… can take her to court but if I had a piece of crap ex that didn’t want to see her kids, good riddance. I’d take my kids and carry on with a happy life. It may not be luxurious but I’d make it work. If you think your kids are a life sentence, imagine what they feel like having parents the way they are.. praying for you

Unless she has had a substantial increase in income since the original CS was set, I don't see you getting much traction on trying to get more CS from her. And, while I might feel empathy for my kid whose parent keeps blowing them off and not seeing them, I would do everything I could to try to provide the best life for that child anyway and let the child figure out where to place that parent on their own in terms of a relationship going forward. Most kids figure out on their own who was there for them and who wasn't.

When I got custody of my son, I didn't even ask for CS even though I paid CS for 9 years... I knew it was going to be a stupid low amount and she would never be able to pay it because she is a loser that will not work. Lawyer did tell me I could take her back when I wanted to... He is 13 now, He knows she does not pay for anything, we live two very different lifestyles. She has two other kids by a loser that will not work either, they live with his mom and another live in son... She barely gets him anything for his birthday, and Christmas. Barely shows up for sporting events. I could wish bad on her, but I don't know how worse it could get for her... She will have to bear that cross... If you don't need the money, don't even worry about it. Do right by your kids and let the Lord handle the rest Good luck fighting the good fight, there are many dads that would give their last to have our problems....

The amount is very low now, as in not remotely within the guidelines, so I feel confident it will go up. Especially with her dropping days and inflation, both of which are reasons to adjust it according to alabama law.

Mine never got custody. She left life a thief in the night and I got temporary custody and never looked back. She is such a poser and runs around trying to convince everyone she is a good mom and she sux. I got so fed up with it I stopped letting her have a pass with the boys. She makes excuses and I say, no that is manipulation. I said you need to make sure you know what it is, so you don't end up with a woman who does that.

Getting more child support is more about forcing her to do what she doesn't do, take care of them.

My youngest has been ditching custody for a while. Sometimes he goes, mainly because she uses her current hubs business as a way to give him $ for working for her. That's the only reason he goes, when he goes. She is so insecure, constantly asking him for a hug and a kiss.

When I was getting a divorce, and she had them for a weekend, I had to mentally prepare to get them back. They would come back so sucked dry of love, they would literally cling to me. It was like having 2 shadows and I couldn't move or breathe. It always took a few days to get them back where I could breathe. Every 2 weeks for a year almost I did that, and then it continued after the divorce. It's like that even now, every time they see her. She just sucks every bit of love in them out.

My Aunts semen donor has been in jail for about 6-9 months bc he’s so far behind.. around here they’ll pick em up and take em to jail for awhile but never see the money… I grew up in a broken situation, but dad always made sure we had what we needed. There was no child support but he always gave… at least they love you

Take her to court. The more she owes the more likely she is to stop coming around. Or you may get a judge that is ruthless to her and will throw her in jail until all back child support is paid in full. My wifes ex still owes her over 30k for our daughter who is turning 30 this year. He has not seen her or the grandkids in a few years and may never see them again because my daughter is tired of his crap.

I think you mean an arrearage. It would not be retroactive as she has an amount already established. Go to DHR and let them handle it. Hard to beat free. They can take her to court for what she owed and also re-calculate the support. Or better yet talk to a lawyer too little info here for anybody to give you advice you can rely on.

I get that part about energy vampires. My adopted daughters egg donor video messages my wife about once a month, sometimes two. She used to ask to speak to her, but she would do nothing during the conversation except try to get her to say I love you, over and over and over. It got harder and harder over time to get her to do it. My wife hated it and when she was old enough to understand it was manipulation, we told her she did not have to say it to her. One day she looked in the phone and said OK and walked away. The egg donor got that message loud and clear. We don't prevent her communicating, but we don't encourage it either.

We were offered child support by the state, but told them no. We don't need it and didn't want to have that direct link they could manipulate with.

When we were fighting for custody, it was horrible. This sweet, happy, beautiful child would be dropped off with them when they got custody. She would cling to us, cry, beg and plead. When they pulled her from our arms, they couldn't have cared less. You could see it in our girls eyes. She would blank out. I forget what my wife called it, but it's like she stuffed her soul into a closet and locked the door. All emotions gone. We suspected and later found out about the beatings she took for clinging to us and not wanting to go to them. Then when we returned to get her, she's sprint to us and those eyes would light up. It was a horrific experience for us and her. And it repeated over and over and over again. We still aren't completely done with the repercussions of that trauma.

If anyone can eliminate a shitty parent from their childs life, money, time, whatever, it's best to do so. The child will not benefit from their relationship in any good way. You're riding on a bumpy road my friend, but unfortunately it's a well travelled road with a lot of junkers in the ditch on both sides of the road. You're not alone. Not for a minute.

My youngest child by my first wife is 25. Just last month I started getting back child support from her. She has filed for bankruptcy and has to pay up or she can't be free of all her other debts. Last time I checked the state charged something like 7% interest on CS.

Train Station.

So, is CS like student loans meaning, you have to pay what you were supposed to pay even if the child is grown as in trailer trash’s post?

And that should go to you. The state keeps it, you don't get it, if I understand correctly. And that's a dirty little secret and the reason so many men are straddled with more than they should be.

People like my ex just seem to skate thru life never really facing the music.

She's going to catch me on a bad day one of these days and I'm not going to care where we are or who's there,she's gonna get an earful. Probably be on tiktok, dude goes full nuclear on his ex.

I rescinded her ability to check them out of school. School was like ok here you go. No fuss, no drama.

She will try to be included in my oldest graduation celebration with my parents. I have already said that's a no go. She will try to sit with us for sure. Act like it's all good. Its not.

Thanks for chiming in those of you who have experienced this sort of thing. I'm not alone at least. The sacrifice I have made my kids don't even fully realize. Maybe when they have their own it will be clear.

Good Luck. I was blessed with a deadbeat ex-wife. She lost custody when the kids were 4 & 2 back in 1999. Seldom exercised visitation & never paid without it being withheld. So, she worked under the table if she worked at all. I did carry her back to court when the kids were 16 & 14 and she owed over $50,000 in back child support, mainly because she kept causing trouble. She cried on the stand and the Judge bought her sad story hook line and sinker. She passed earlier this year owing around $75,000 in back child support so there isn't no collecting now. The state never did anything, the courts never did anything.

Good Luck and I hope you are successful. My experience is if she wasn't screwing me, the state of Alabama and our court system was there to take up the slack.

Imagine it was you who was behind...

A dad is usually arrested to failure to pay CS, but in Cov. Co., I have seem some women arrested for that as well. My thought is always, "How the heck do you expect someone to pay CS if maybe they are actually struggling financially and adding all the fees associated with an arrest doesn't help the problem since they definitely cannot work if they are sitting in the pokey."

I was a single father when it just didn’t happen. As a matter of fact, I could tell the female judge was not happy about it. The amount she ordered my ex to pay was so low it would barely buy diapers. She went years without contacting the kids and went 10 years without paying. She moved on, got married and had two more children. I decided it was time to pursue it and did. She said she didn’t think it was right to take away from her new children. That fired me up. In the end, she was still paying after our kids were grown and had grandchildren. One time I got her tax return and another time I got her COVID check. The last 5 years I decided to use the money to buy a nice commercial zero-turn mower. Up until that time, I had nothing to show for it. I used the money to buy coffee , dinner or something frivolous. She finally paid off her part (and made sure to tell our children) a few months after the mower was paid off and died within a few months after.

Not at any time did I need her money. That’s not the point. The principal is the point. Having children, deciding it just ain’t your gig and moving on like nothing ever happened is behavior that shouldn’t be rewarded or enabled.