Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum Bible Question About Polygamy

Our pastor down at the FBC has recently preached several sermons about David's time of sorrow and repentance after his ungodly and unlawful manipulations to steal Uriah's wife Bathsheeba. This combined with a discussion we recently had in Sunday school has brought me to a question. Even after David's repentance and the restoration of his fellowship with God following Nathan's reproach, he still remained married not only to Bathsheeba but to at least seven other wives according to the Old Testament. 2 Samuel 12:8 even points out that Nathan tells David that he could have several more wives and still be in God's will and favor as long as David didn't steal another man's wife unlawfully.

At what point did God decide that a man could have only one wife or woman in his life? Was it at some point between the Old and New Testaments? Polygamy (and concubines to boot) was often permitted by God in the Old Testament, but we see a condemnation of this by Paul in the New Testament.

I ask this not because I wish to have multiple wives (I couldn't begin to afford multiple women), but rather because in sermons Baptist preachers consistently say that any sin, however small, puts us out of God's will and out of God's favor and renders us useless -- or at best ineffective -- to God. In my constant struggle to live up to strict Baptist doctrine, I can't make church teaching nowadays match up with how God's men lived in Old Testament times.

What do you men think about this?

I think any man who would desire multiple wives either enjoys pain or has an unusually high tolerance for it. Either way, he has to be one tough and crazy sob.

I think your question is valid. I do not have answer to the marriage part. But i can address the part about sin breaking our fellowship with God.

I feel like it is unconfessed sin that hinders our effectiveness as christians. That sin that you know is wrong but you continue to hold on to it and refuse to give it up. The standard is so high that we all sin frequently. We all fall short of that perfect example set by Christ. Do not let the adversary convince you that you are useless because you are not perfect too. Rely on that grace that is freely given and accept it.

Did Paul actually condemn the practice of polygamy, or was he merely excluding polygamists from those who should be considered for leadership roles as deacons and bishops?

Good question. I recently looked at that question myself. Concubines seem to complicate the matter even more. Are two classes of wives recognized by God?

If you adhere to the priciple of remaining silent where the Bible remains silent, then there certainly seems to be a reason to remain silent on the subject of polygamy.

BTW: I wonder if polygamists will demand equal protection after homosexual marriages are recognized by our government. Looks to me like they have more reason for their marriages to be recognized than homosexuals.

Here's the best explanation I've seen:

Good points. One pastor I spoke with points out, as you did, that even Paul with his strict standards forbids polygamy only for deacons and pastors.

Spot on!

Marriage was created and ordained by God to be one man and one woman from the earliest days (2 shall become one flesh).

Also looking when he took over the kingdom of Saul, he was instructed to care for Saul's wives, which he did. But that does not mean he was married to them as husband and wife, just being a steward of the courts property at the time.

I remember my marriage counseling before my wedding well. Something I'll never forget.

Genesis 2 21-24 shows man's first marriage and explains that when a man and woman unite they become "one" flesh. Even in Genesis, to me it appears hard to become "one" with many. Just my interpretation and that of a Baptist preacher as well.

1Corinthians 6-16 and Matthew 19-5 repeats Genesis 21-24. Multiple wives were never part of God's plan. Man began to be evil later in Genesis and corrupt as one preacher put it once. I think and I could be wrong here but I think after the flood, you don't see polygamy anymore but I could be wrong. Guess I need to read tonight to refresh memory.

21And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.


Obviously you can only become one flesh with one person. Hope that helps clear some of it up.

@AlabamaSwamper -- In fact there's plenty of polygamy after the flood. King David and King Solomon are just two well known examples.

David had at least eight wives plus concubines, yet somehow God loves, favors, and promotes him even after the debacle with Bathsheeba.

David's son Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. God never condemns the NUMBER of women in Solomon's life, but rather the fact that many of his wives were not Godly, Jewish women and led his heart to follow false gods.

Paul in giving instructions for deacons, overseers and elders sets a standard. The standard is high because a lot was riding on the line...so much false teaching going on in the early church that is was CRITICAL to have church leaders who were above reproach. Well, that is as true today as ever.

So if you study these things...being the husband of one wife is seen as better than a husband of many wives. Being sober-minded and gentle is better than being a drunkard or a hot-head. This standard is set to pull out the best to lead the church. If that defines the best, then the man with multiple wives is by default lesser. Well, why is that?

God gave us some standards in the OT. 2 become one flesh. Love God, love others, obey commandments, don't divorce without God's approved reasons, etc... Looking at divorce is important here.

God tells us that divorce is wrong and gives us only a couple very specific reasons why the sacred marriage covenant shall be broken. Anything outside of that goes against God's plan for marriage. Does God then no longer recognize a marriage covenant that was broken unjustly? Or does he hold us to our vow anyway, whether legally married or not?

I say he hold us to our covenants even when we decide to break them in this earthly life.

The husband of one wife may have multiple meanings here too. Literally: Man has 2, 3, 4, wives that are alive. Figuratively: Man has married and unjustly divorced a few times...but God still recognizes the original covenant. Polygamy can be active wives or it could also mean active covenant marriages that God never permitted to be broken.

So when Paul is speaking on these things, there is much in play. An elder/deacon who has churned through multiple wives and divorced them is not above reproach. The non-believers that are to be reached will see that and expose it and that hurts the witness and work of the church. Same is true today.

So if the standard is higher for leadership positions, does that mean we common folks have a lower standard? Absolutely not. The standard is the same for everyone. But to be an effective leader, one needs to actually live up to the standard at a high level to beyond reproach. Now we all sin and fall short, but a church leader needs to do that minimally so his leadership will be good and correct.

Just my take on it.

@Straycat -- Thanks for the good discussion. Keep in mind, however, that God's prophet Nathan tells David in 2 Samuel that it was the unlawful, ungodly manner in which he stole Bathsheeba and not the number of wives that God was angry about.

Matt. 5 27-28, Gal 5:19, James 4:4,1 cor.6:9 Hardly silent

I agree it is a good and interesting discussion.

@ VT: But trying to prove a negative is hard. If we go down that road, are we not just assuming God was ok with it since he didn't say anything. Slippery slope. Plus God had made it clear and plain from early on that marriage was 1 man. 1 woman, to become one flesh. He had made it clear about unlawful divorce as well. God never contradicts.

We however do contradict all the time. Just because something is in the Bible doesn't mean that God approves of it. Murder, lust, deceit, theft, adultery, greed, idolatry...all spoken of in the Bible. Look at some of the great men of the Bible and you will see where all had struggles with sin issues, like some of the examples above. That is what is so cool about God's Word..we can learn form the mistakes of the patriarchs and others. It is not a white-washed story book, it is full of incredible mistakes along with God's grace and mercy.

Genesis 2 tells us of marriage at creation: helper, not helpers; wife, not wives; Eve for Adam; not Eve, Amy, Sara, Ginger for Adam

Jesus quotes Gen 2 in Matthew 19 and Mark 10 when asked about divorce. He speaks on one man, one woman, 1 union, one marriage in sacred covenant. He also reveals that hardheartedness during Moses's times were why divorce was granted by Moses at the time.

Before the Flood, we have a clear distortion of what God had intended for marriage. To compound Lamech�s sin, he brags of his murderous deeds. The Flood was brought upon the earth to judge the sinfulness of mankind, including the sins committed by Lamech.

After the Flood, there are many mentions of polygamous relationships�including among the patriarchs of Israel. Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon all had multiple wives. It is interesting to note that there are no passages in Scripture that clearly state, �No man should have more than one wife.� However, polygamous relationships are never mentioned in a positive light, and, indeed, the problems of such relationships are presented.

Consider the consequences revealed in Scripture in each of the following cases: Abraham�led to bitterness between Sarah and her maid, Hagar, and the eventual dismissal of Hagar and Ishmael; Jacob�led to Rachel�s jealousy of Leah and to Joseph being betrayed and sold by his half-brothers; David�led to the rape of one of his daughters (Tamar) by one of his sons (Tamar�s half-brother Amnon) and Amnon�s subsequent murder by Tamar�s brother Absalom; Solomon�his many wives �turned away his heart� from the Lord and to the worship of false gods (1 Kings 11:1�8). Just because the Bible records polygamous relationships does not mean that God approves of such things.

x1000

Did he or didn't he? I believe this was God's way of showing us what happens when you go against his word.

While I'm not expert in this, I do believe God had no intentions of man having multiple wives. If that had been the case, he wouldn't have gave Adam "one" wife. Solomon had his own problems due to his many wives even though he was warned. In Deuteronomy 17 it speaks on the role of the King.

And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away, nor shall he acquire for himself excessive silver and gold.:

1 Kings 11:1-11:4

1-But King Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites:

2-Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.

3-And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

4-For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.

To me, it was only allowed by "law" but not God's law. God never said to have many wives. Plenty of scriptures that says otherwise. Not one I've found, and you've got me looking, where God says to take more than one. Yes, some did then as some do now. Doesn't make it right in God's eyes.

Sometimes you point out the first wrong which makes everything behind it a wrong because of the means so there is no need to mention it. My .02

Good original question and many good answers. The Law said long before Israel ever had a king that he was not to have multiple wives. David and Solomon simply ignored that, and both of them paid a very high price for it. David's family was ripped apart because of all the jealousies that naturally result from polygamy, and Solomon's heart was not right with God because of all his wives. The fact that God loved them both in spite of their sin is just an example of His grace, and I am thankful that He loves me in spite of my sin. But at least I ain't got multiple wives to worry about.

Deuteronomy 17:14�20 (NKJV)
14�When you come to the land which the Lord your God is giving you, and possess it and dwell in it, and say, �I will set a king over me like all the nations that are around me,�
15you shall surely set a king over you whom the Lord your God chooses; one from among your brethren you shall set as king over you; you may not set a foreigner over you, who is not your brother.
16But he shall not multiply horses for himself, nor cause the people to return to Egypt to multiply horses, for the Lord has said to you, �You shall not return that way again.�
17Neither shall he multiply wives for himself, lest his heart turn away; nor shall he greatly multiply silver and gold for himself.
18�Also it shall be, when he sits on the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write for himself a copy of this law in a book, from the one before the priests, the Levites.
19And it shall be with him, and he shall read it all the days of his life, that he may learn to fear the Lord his God and be careful to observe all the words of this law and these statutes,
20that his heart may not be lifted above his brethren, that he may not turn aside from the commandment to the right hand or to the left, and that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he and his children in the midst of Israel.

Deuteronomy 17:15 �Thou shalt in any wise set him king over thee, whom the LORD thy God shall choose: one from among thy brethren shalt thou set king over thee: thou mayest not set a stranger over thee, which is not thy brother.
16 �But he shall not multiply horses to himself, nor cause the people to return to Egypt, to the end that he should multiply horses: forasmuch as the LORD hath said unto you, Ye shall henceforth return no more that way.
17 �Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold.

Stretching that God would allow for more than one wife would be the case of the Levirate marriage in Deuteronomy 25:5-6. I say stretching because it says nothing about the brother being married or single. If the brother were married and the widow childless, then it would appear that the brother could have two wives. But, if the widow already had a firstborn child, then it would not be necessary.

I think the point has been made for the marriage between one man and one woman in Genesis. God created Eve to be Adam's helpmeet. God didn't give Adam two wives, just the one. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24 NASB)

It doesn't say anything about joined to wives. Sinful man will always try to change the context of scripture to fit his lifestyle. It's been happening since the beginning of time and will continue to happen until Jesus returns.

There have been many good answers given to the question posed. I would like to add a few thoughts.

When God created man, he gave man a "Free" will. With that free will man was allowed to make choices & decisions for himself, even down to the choice of serving God or not.

Had mankind not been given a free will we would have been no more than a "robot" that God could control. God did not want mankind to be mere robots that He programmed to respond to Himself. He wanted more out of the human race than that. He created man for a purpose and that purpose was to have fellowship with Him (God).

So, along with the free will that God gave to man, choices could & would be made. Some of those choices made by man were not necessarily good choices and they were displeasing to God. But God would rather to allow man to make some bad choices than to have an entity that was controlled by Himself.

Somewhere along the way some of mankind decided that it would be good for a man to have more than one wife. God allowed man to make that decision because He had given man that free will and the ability to make those choices.

Just because God allowed man to choose to have more than one wife and just because God allowed man to indeed take more than one wife does not mean that God liked it or gave His approval to it.

Take a look at the turmoil that filled many of the men's lives in the bible who had multiple wives. God may have allowed polygamy but He surely didn't approve of it, bless it or honor it. Many of these men had constant struggles in their lives that was directly related to having more than one wife.

I tell you, some of those fellas really went overboard with the free will and made some really bad decisions with the wife deal.

I'm thankful to God everyday for my wonderfully precious wife but one is enough for me or any man in my opinion!