Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum Umm... Needing some help

I dont really know how to start or say this but I could use some help, I'll try to be short and to the point. After 20 years of service to this great nation and patriots like you all (including Larry) Im at a loss. As some know I lost several close family members in 2019, my only blood related uncle, my dad, and two weeks ago a close uncle. My wife and I have grown distant and almost to the point of just coexisting. I dont sleep for chit, feel like im up 24/7, and I am drinking just to get by. Im honestly not sure If me and my wife will make it, I have talked to a divorce lawyer and with her, she is trying to make it work but lm sure she is as tired as I am.

I love my kids, they are smart, funny, and more intelligent than I will ever be. Austin my 11 y/o calm and cool as can be. Bella my only girl, is smart as the come as is truly a natural leader, or a future CEO as she says some day.... I laugh with her but have no doubt that she will succeed in life. Noa is my right hand man. At six years old he is more of a smart arse than I have ever been, and extremely intelligent. He never amazes me with his smart remarks and intellect lol..

I dont have any anger towards my wife and honestly I could nt be mad if she left me tomorrow. She deserves better (possibly someone that will be at home with her and my kids may get a real dad.) I havent meant to ramble on Ive just been typing my thoughts tonight. Im honestly spechless and a little numb, I really dont know what to else say... I have a lot on me and cant get a break.

You need to talk to a professional brother and I don’t mean that as a joke or to be condescending.

First of all, thank you for your service. Next, it appears you have experienced the loss of multiple key loved ones in a short amount of time. Trust me, this will put just about anyone in a state of depression. It sounds like you have a wonderful family. I would be careful with the drinking - it tends to compound our problems rather than help fix anything. Please contact a pastor who can help with your marriage and general well being. This life can be very difficult at times and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. Hang in there!

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Hang on Bro ,,, I'll say a prayer for you ,,,,,, in the mean time like TP says go to your church ,,,even if you seldom or ever go,,, the pastor can help to guide you,,,, you'll find the whole congregation praying for you and your family and help give you support.

Thank you for your service...I will have you in my prayers as well...let me add, I think you should also see a psychiatrist as well as your pastor for support...drinking is a cop out and a hole that will keep getting deeper and deeper...it’s not too late at all to turn it around, just gotta stop thinking about fixing yourself, your marriage, and your life and work your butt off to do it! It’s not considered “weak” or that you’re any less a man to reach out to a marriage counselor through the church or a psychiatrist to be put on antidepressants or so, it’s actually more manly and braver to reach out and do these things!

Hang in there man...

I hope things pick up for you bud. I’m no professional by any means but your 2nd paragraph really jumps out at me. You pretty much named the most important things in your life and they are all the reasons for you to go talk to somebody. I appreciate your service. Sounds like you’ve been hit pretty hard with life. Like said above, you’re no less of a man for getting help. Takes more of one to do it.

Talk to your doctor. Trauma and loss like you’ve experienced recently can cause chemical imbalances in your brain. Usually the outcome is the onset of depression. The doc can do blood work and can see if you need a supplement of vitamins or some other kind that can restore balance. Not sure how old you are, but your testosterone levels may have lowered and if so, can also cause low energy, depression, and other issues. Alcohol can enhance any of those problems. Don’t just throw in the towel. Sounds like you have great kids and they didn’t get that way without your influence. Go get checked out.

I'm not smart enough to give you any real advice but from the sounds of it you have a wonderful family that is worth fighting for. You've had a rough time and that will bring even the strongest man down. I think the best thing to do is probably to just talk. Talk to your wife, talk to your kids, talk to your friends. The more you talk, the more you work through things. If you keep all your thoughts in your head they will just create a never ending circle inside your head and that only makes it worse. Also always remember, it's not a sign of weakness to talk to a professional.

This^^^ I probably wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t treated my depression. Go see you doc and as others have recommended, talk to your wife and family about it.

When you said, "I do......for better or for worse", did you really mean it? You've got alot at stake here. It sounds like you have a great family. Get out there and fight for your marriage. Are you involved in a good church? If I ever needed wise counsel, I would have an endless resource of friends from church and my Pastor. It's time to get to work, brother.

Prayers sent up for you and your family.

Looks like the guys have given you the best advice you can get
Get some help by talking with a pastor or a psychiatrist but most of all remember it takes time to heal
Military experiences and loss of loved ones will effect anyone and those feelings and thoughts just don't go away but you can learn to live with them...I know

Hang in there bro and remember those kids already got a daddy and don’t want another one. Be praying for you and your family

Heed the advice above. We are praying for you and your family. I’ve been divorced twice and it does not make things easier. Draw close to the Lord and He will draw closer to you. You are loved and that makes you a very blessed man and worthy of any help you need.

Thank you for your service bigcountry....life is difficult and the devil throws curveballs at us nonstop to trip us up and hinder our forward progress. Don’t let him win. I’ve been dealing with some problems myself and 2019 was one of the worst years for me and my wife & kids. I lost my dad, my uncle had a massive stroke and was moved in to my mom’s house while she was still trying to recover from losing my dad, lost 3 good friends in a 14month span, took massive losses in business, gained 50+ pounds due to nonstop drinking and food binging because it seemed like that was the only thing that didn’t hurt when in fact it was causing as much or more damage as anything in my life. There is somebody that can help, Jesus is there for us. All we have to do is put everything in his hands and trust in the Lord. We as men are flawed creatures, we’re not designed to succeed...in fact it’s much easier to fail for a reason. Anything worth having is worth working for. I lift you and your family up in prayer this morning and hope that God helps you find the way through these difficult times. Just know that you’re not alone.

I really can't add to the advice that's been given here. By the sound of it, you have a family that loves you and that you dearly love. Don't give in to Satan and let him lead you away from your family. I'll be praying you through this rough spot. God bless you and your family.

Hey man, there are a bunch of us who've been down the road of depression and believing our families deserve better. It's a helpless, hopeless feeling but I'm telling you it can get better but you need to go see a professional. Even a local, respected pastor is a good place to start. He can get you pointed in the right direction and will probably be available quicker than a counselor, even though he might facilitate getting you in to see a counselor. If he's doing the job he's called to do he won't judge you and he won't preach at you. If he does either of those go find someone else. Even if you don't go to church these guys are trained to listen and get you help. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by reaching out. You've done the hardest part, already.
I can tell you from experience that it feels like your drowning and can't see a good ending but I'm living proof that everything can change and life can get better than you've ever known but it starts with small steps. I've already prayed for you and I believe you're going to find the help you're looking for. You're family doesn't deserve better. They deserve you at your best even if you don't know what that looks like right now. Message me if you want my number and I'm happy to talk but there are people better qualified than me that can and will help you if you take the step towards finding them. I'll be praying and pulling for you , brother.

Sounds like you have a woman who loves you and wants to stick by you. Seek counseling by yourself and with your wife. See a medical professional for the depression. You can get over this hump.

I can’t pretend to know what you are going through as I have never lost a real close family member and i get along great with my wife. I don’t post here much but feel compelled to this morning because I am hurting for you . I know it was hard to tell your story to this bunch of knuckle heads, but it was an important step to admit you have a problem. You have one of the hardest steps out of the way. I’m with the others here that say to at least go visit with a minister or priest. Even if you don’t attend church, I would think that a leader of any denomination of church would be happy to sit down with you and listen to your problems and try to work through them with you. They are trained and very understanding of these type of hardships and if they felt you needed some specialized professional help, they could point you in the right direction. It might also be helpful for you and wife to take a long walk or a weekend away and tell her your thoughts or even take her with you when you see a counselor . She needs to know your thoughts and probably needs get her thoughts out also. I will pray for you and your and family and truly hope that things get better quickly for you and your family. I will be following this thread and look forward to seeing a future from you that life is getting better.