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Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,661
14 point
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14 point
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,661 |
This thread has served a very important service to the Aldeer community. All the stupid crap is being posted here and all the other threads are better BC of it.  Thank you thread killer thread that actually isn't killing threads. Son of a bitch! They tricked us 
Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 14,831
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 14,831 |
Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219 |
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many!
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219 |
Lmao!!! 
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many!
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 25,301
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 25,301 |
Little Johnny was on the school playground when he got in a shouting match will another kid on who's Daddy could eat the most. Johnny' s friend said that his daddy once ate two whole fried chickens and a pan of cornbread. Little Johnny replied, " hell that ain't nothing!" " Just last night when I walked by my momma's and daddy's bedroom I heard my daddy tell my mother, momma pull down that Venetian blind I'm about to eat that thing."
Proud Army and ALNG veteran
God Bless America!
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481
Booner
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Booner
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481 |
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219 |
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many!
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481
Booner
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Booner
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481 |
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219
Freak of Nature
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Freak of Nature
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 55,219 |
Do not regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many!
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481
Booner
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Booner
Joined: May 2012
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 6,410
12 point
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12 point
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 6,410 |
Dang had to go to work this morn....
American by birth Southern by the grace of God.....
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,595
Bright Eyes
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Bright Eyes
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,595 |
Sleep monster got me early--Brent do any damage to the constituency?
Matt Brock wears knock-off Crocs.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13,683 Likes: 2
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13,683 Likes: 2 |
Life is a journey. Make sure and bring plenty of Beer.
My luck has been so bad lately, it could be raining pussies and I'd catch one with a dick broke off in it.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,595
Bright Eyes
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Bright Eyes
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,595 |
Matt Brock wears knock-off Crocs.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,422
I am Cornholio
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I am Cornholio
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,422 |
If you’re a common sense person, you probably don’t feel you have a home in this world right now. If you’re a Christian, you know you were never meant to.
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,316
8 point
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8 point
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,316 |
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.” She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.”
“And You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”
It's not a Passion, it's an Obsession. That's what I tell my wife, but she promptly informs it's a disease to which is incurable.
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 13,401
Booner
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Booner
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 13,401 |
This reminds me of a friend of mine that I worked out with. On days his schedule didnt allow him to get to our gym he would hit the one by his office during lunch. If was a larger planet fitness type place and evidently a bit of a social club for retired old men. He was extremely homophobic and there were always 60-80YO men there in the locker room. At that age they have no cares so they regularly roamed around the locker and shower room nude and just hang out. It creeped him out seeing all the wrinkly balls everywhere. The last straw was when he was sitting on a bench putting his shoes on and one walked up to him and propped his foot up on the bench while facing him trying to have a conversation. He was scared for life and couldnt go back. I imagine it looked like a newborn bird hatching or something. 
On the Eighth day God created flounder.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 12,481
Booner
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Booner
Joined: May 2012
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 22,316
Administrator
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Administrator
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 22,316 |
Sleep monster got me early--Brent do any damage to the constituency? As far as I know, everyone made the cut last night. No losses.
"How in the hell did you get to be a moderator?"...Skinny
God Bless Nick Saban!
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,577
12 point
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12 point
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 5,577 |
Just got my Direct TV bill. The charged us for 20 porn movies that somehow we watched simultaneously the night of the 18th!! WTH??? They did take them off my bill, but how in the hell did that happen? I make my own I don't rent them....
‘Obama Is the Greatest Hoax Ever Perpetrated on the American People’ - Clint Eastwood
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