Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum Dating My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER*

NOTE:


This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,*
job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.*

NAME____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________*

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENSE ________________*

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________*
 
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______*

Do you have parents? ______No*
Is one male and the other female? ______No*
If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________*
_____________________________________ ________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________*

If less than your age, explain*
_________________________________________ ___________________________*




ACCESSORIES SECTION:*

A. Do you own or have access to a van? ____*

B. A truck with oversized tires? ____*

C. A waterbed? ____*

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? ____*

E. A tattoo? ____*

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, ____*
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?*

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION*
AND* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Leave" \o "Learn more about Leave" \t "_blank" LEAVE*PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Running" \o "Learn more about Running" \t "_blank" RUNNING.)*


ESSAY SECTION:*

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?*

___________________________________________ ___________________*

____________________________ __________________________________*

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?*

___________________________________________ ___________________*

____________________________ __________________________________*

In 50 words or less, what does ' HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Abstinence" \o "Learn more about Abstinence" \t "_blank" ABSTINENCE' mean to you?*

___________________________________________ ___________________*

____________________________ __________________________________*


REFERENCES SECTION:*

Church you attend __________________________________________________ _*

How often you attend ________________________________________________*
 
When would be the best time to interview your:*

Father? _____________*

Mother?_____________*

Priest or Pastor? _____________*


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:*

Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely all answers*
are confidential.*

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:*

____________________________________________ __________________*

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:*

____________________________________________ __________________*

C: A woman's place is in the:*

___________________________________________ ___________________*


D: The one thing I* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Faith" \o "Learn more about Hope" \t "_blank" hope*this application does not ask me about is:*

____________________________________________ __________________*

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up? _______________________________*

________________ ______________________________________________*

_ __________________________________________________ ___________*

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:*

____________________________________________ __________________*

G: What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________________*

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO*
THE BEST OF MY* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Research" \o "Learn more about Knowledge" \t "_blank" KNOWLEDGE*UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,*
INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,*
CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS*

_________________________________________ ________________*
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)*


_______________________________ ________________________________*
Mother's Signature Father's Signature*

_______________________________ ________________________________*
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State or Federal Government Representative*
_______________________________ (Their stamp goes here )*
Notary Public*

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.*
Please allow four to six years for processing.*

You will be contacted in* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Writing" \o "Learn more about Writing" \t "_blank" writing*if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be*
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (You might watch your back)*

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Socializing" \o "Learn more about Dating" \t "_blank" Dating.*





Daddy's Rules for* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Socializing" \o "Learn more about Dating" \t "_blank" Dating*Before Marriage*
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):*

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.*

Rule Two:*
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.*

Rule Three:*
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.*

Rule Four:*
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.*

Rule Five:*
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'*

Rule Six:*
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.*

Rule Seven:*
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Socializing" \o "Learn more about Dating" \t "_blank" dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Art" \o "Learn more about Painting" \t "_blank" painting*the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?*

Rule Eight:*
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is* HYPERLINK "http://www.dailystrength.org/treatments/Dancing" \o "Learn more about Dancing" \t "_blank" dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.*


Rule Nine:*
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.*

Rule Ten:*
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine*

I am the barrier and I will kill you made me lol!

Wtf

Bingo. Preview reply is your friend

My face hurts now..

Reminds me... Any of you remember the guy on SNL that used to impersonate ole W? I always thought the guy was hilarious.

Carry on.

"When I meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ..." ~~~ The correct answer is: her intellect, insight, and refined demeanor.

Are you talking about Will Ferrell? If you haven't seen Frank Caliendo do his impersonation of GW you need to take the time to, he is spot on and it's hilarious.

Said no straight dude EVER!!!!!!!

I told my oldest first visitor that this house is protected by God and guns. If he messes up, he will meet them both tonight.

My oldest daughter has been dating the same boy for 5 years now. Early on I pulled out a 9mm hollow point and showed it to him. I took a sharpie and wrote his initials on it and put it on the mantle. I told him that as long as it was there on the mantle, we were on good terms. It's still there ...