Aldeer.com Forums Alabama Deer Talk Aldeer General Forum Aging parent need help

Check into a memory care facility. That is where my dad was for the last month of his life after my mom accepted that she couldn't keep taking care of him (he refused to wear a diaper and would pee in the closet instead of the toilet and quit taking showers or baths). I had a hard time with it and Dad and I weren't even that close (it was my own thoughts about nursing homes and not wanting to go to one), but I did go to the facility with Mom to look at it and it was nice (pricy, though - I think Mom paid $5K per month and this was in Tyler, TX). But memory care facilities have locks so the patients cannot get out of the building, they have staff who will be sure that the are bathed adequately and will put her in an adult onesie of sorts that fastens in the back so she can't just take her clothes off whenever she wants.

It sounds like she may need more care than someone who just comes a few hours three days a week, though. At home care will likely be more costly than a memory care facility, but if you have the means and know it would be her preference and yours and it would be doable as far as her attitude, etc. there are people who do that, too.

Said a prayer for you man. Cleaning up poop or vomit is really combat duty for most people. You need some help.

That's right, Medicaid applies to some things , Medicare for others. Never figured that one out , the $ all comes from the same place . Guvment bureaucracies .

If you go to permanent nursing home you have to liquidate all assets down to $2,000 cash ( I think) and pre plan funeral . My wife went through this with her Father. You set up a trust , and use the patients $ first , down to the amount allowed.

He's right that it’s Medicaid if you go into a Medicaid nursing facility. Usually Can’t touch primary residence but each state has own Medicaid program and rules. There is a look back period on assets. It would take a huge post to explain everything and it gets complicated. This is why folks with a partnership long term care plan make out well because you acted proactively for your elder care which allows you to protect more assets. The states will give you credit if you have a partnership LTC plan. Both FL and AL are partnership states. That being said LTC Partnership plans are best purchased early in life (50s at latest) because they are expensive. All have elimination periods (usually 90 days but varies) where you are responsible for care or paying for care before benefits kick in.

I would also suggest checking to see if she has a life insurance policy because it could have a long term care rider (living benefits) that might offer you some limited long term care benefits. She might have one that you’re not aware of. If she’s having problems with activities of daily living it’s usually 2 of 6 before any benefits would kick in. Some of those riders allow use for long term care including home health care but usually require doctor to certify person can’t do 2 of 6 activities of daily living or cognitive impairments. These include bathing, dressing, toileting, continence, eating and transferring.

As far as Medicare and what it will cover I suggest you look at this link:

https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/home-health-services

Understand that it’s usually goes along with some need for skilled nursing care or other therapy like occupational. It’s limited but get her evaluated if there is a cognitive impairment or ADL issue, it may come into play.
Hope this helps a little and prayers for you and your mom. 🙏

Prayers lifted my friend.

My brother and I spent last year caring for our mom who had dementia. I also had 2 sitters who would come during the day so we could go to work. Believe me, it's only going to get worse.. her thought process was slipping for a few months but in March of 23 she went into full blown dementia. We watched her get worse every week. Got her in a nursing home in Hanceville in october.. she passed in January of 24. Medicare will cover home health which includes bathing. Sitters out of your pocket. Get some help brother because it will kill you trying to care for her.

Lynn Campisi is an excellent elder care attorney. I hired her to help me navigate the medicaid application process because my mom's finances were a quagmire. Money well spent

I run nursing homes and retirement communities. She needs someone within reach of her around the clock. You can't schedule the care she needs. PM me if you want some help getting it paid for or with any questions at all. >Moss

If you go with a nursing home they can and will take vehicles and property in her name unless your name is on those with her otherwise sell now

I remember when my dad went into the nursing home I was bombarded with an unbelievable amount of paperwork to sign. They want everything you have basically.

My brother and I dealt with this last year but fortunately we had everything in our names years before any of this happened but we still had to show proof of this

Agree with what others have said and start with her physician. He can help decide if home health or hospice or nursing home is best option and either write the order or refer to someone who can.

I know this will be tough, but when taking her to the doctors office or the ER, they need to see her when she’s at her worst. When you take her to the ER, as bad as this sounds, don’t stay there with her. My MIL began refusing to take her meds, wetting herself and denying having any issues when a doctor or nurse came in. My wife would stay with her and what ends up happening is a doctor and ER staff will send them home if they think someone will take care of them before finding out the extent of the problem. I convinced my wife to walk out of the ER once she was in a bed and her vitals were fairly stable, then the ER doctor and nurses had to deal with her denying there was a problem and refusing medication they were trying to give her. They had to call in a social worker and psychologist to figure out why and she finally ended up getting her admitted to a nursing home. Emergency rooms need beds and can get too focused on passing the patient off to someone that will take care of them at home many times before finding out there are more issues with the patient and being there with a patient can do more harm than not sometimes.

This is exactly what we did with Mom
When the order came through we had them to tell mom it was for rehab so she wouldnt fight with it
Mom died 4 month later because her condition deteriorated quickly
I will say the Nursing Home staff did an excellent job at taking care of her and it wasnt the horror story you regularly hear about

OK FOLKS thanks for the info. I think I may know what has happened. Her blood sugar has been high for the past six months. Now note that I just started giving her her meds. she had stopped taking her meds after a surgery to remove a skin cancer from her temple. her blood sugar A1C was 13 then three months later 14. I have been making sure she gets her meds and the Dr got her one of them meters to keep check of it. Last Thursday her blood sugar meter showed her below 50 for a few hours then back up but still under 100 then friday all the craziness happened. Now I think it was a low sugar problem. Going to see her Dr at 2:30 today and see what he thinks. Saturday morning she was back to normal pretty much. This has happened about three time this year. So I hope it is just low sugar and to make sure she eats when taking her sugar meds. She on 2000mg of metaformin one 1000mg bill twice daliy and a glipipride (sp) twice a day. I also don't think she had ate anything friday when this happen.

That does sound like better news! I forgot to add earlier, we recently found out with both MIL and FIL that UTIs can also make elderly folks act crazy at times even if they’re not showing any other symptoms of one. Just like blood sugar being off, it’s amazing just how much it affects.

Yes the first time this happen i took her to get check for UTI came out negitive. My bosses FIL had UTI"S and would act crazy. SO I knew about that deal but not the low sugar. I tell you guys what adulting is for the birds.
Makes me mess the toy r us song. I DONT WANT OT GROW UP>>>>

Well Dr report she has a UTI. Got a shot and meds.

I think once those meds start to take affect, you will see lots of cognitive improvement. Hopefully, between getting the UTI addressed and getting her diabetes under control you will be able to keep her at home for a good long while.

If she is having some physical issues due to deteriorating while unknowingly fighting the UTI, talk to her doc about home health care. They can even send a physical therapist out to help her regain some strength which will allow her more independence.

It doesn't take much to get off kilter with your body chemistry and physical ailments as we all get up in age.... my third brother one day started acting weird ,,,, CRS disease... I says whats wrong bro... says I don't know... it was like who was this man talking to him,,, gave me this confused look... I says ok your going to see your doctor,,, was also experiencing health related issues... heart palpitations... and afib type reactions... breathing problems... passes out on me and the chinese buffet... go to ER just down the road from where we were dining,,, they find he's got no B vitimins in his body ...absolutely none.... was real low in magnesuim,,, potassium ,,, iron...high blood pressure ... high cholesterol count... blood sugar too.... two stents later and meds he's snapped back....

I'm praying your Mom gets well soon and does better bro...

Dealt with that with my wifes mother. A UTI in a older person can make you act totally crazy. My wife mother rode a scooter full of groceries out of Walmart without paying and was driving down the road to her old house in it. Someone saw her on the road and called the cops. We had to go get her. She had no idea where she was or what she was doing.