?....Of course, I understand all the cheerleaders and football players heard about the guy who,lives across the street from Ross who shits naked.

....and has something between his legs that looks like a pecker, but only smaller.

My wife just reminded me of this.

Okay, one day about 3 years ago I came home at lunch on Friday. We were leaving to go out of town that afternoon. I was in our front bathroom taking a shucks. Sometimes when I am at home, I will take off my shirt and pants before I sit down to do my business.

Well, I am home alone so, I didn't close the door.

Let me back up. We used to pay the high school kid across the street to feed our dogs while we were out of town.

So, I am sitting on the toilet naked. I hear the front door open. I assume it is my wife. No big deal. I am looking out the door as I hear footsteps. About the time they get even with the door, I say hello.

It is the guys girlfriend. She has on he cheerleader outfit and came by to feed the dog for him because he could not come home because of football. She froze when she saw me. Like a deer in the headlights. I freaked out and stood up. I had no clothes on. She was frozen and could not move. I finally jumped behind closet door.

Instead of leaving, she walked down the hall like nothing happened. Of course, I understand all the cheerleaders and football players heard about the guy who,lives across the street from Ross who shits naked.

Even now 2 years after the fact this one is almost too embarrassing to tell.I never before or since this incedent sent my wife flirty text but one evening I did and it backfired on me.I was still at work and about thirty minutes before I got off work I decided to stoke the fire with my wife before I got home so I sent her a text.Little beknownst to me her and my daughter were cooking supper.My wife had chicken batter all over her hands so unsuspecting of anything when my text came in she tells my daughter "thats your daddy texting open it and see what he said" my daughter -age 13- then starts cracking up and by this time is in the fetal postion cracking up laughing on the floor.My wife says what is it what did he say.She looks up at my wife and says"he said when he gets home he is gonna eat your p@#$y like a starved ethiopian".My wife nearly had a heart attack then texted me this-your daughter just read that text.Guys I was so embarrassed that I spent the night at a friends house that night because I couldnt figure out how to handle walking in the house.When I got home to add insult to injury.I walked in and my daughter was sitting on the couch watching t.v and looks up at me and smirks and says "you still hungry?"I went to my room.lol

I am on the floor crying October......