crazy as a sprayed roach

When referring to a very animated, upset individual ... "Jumping up and down like a one legged man at an ass kickin' contest"

It’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

I feel like I been shot at and missed and sh!t at and hit.

I’m happier than a cold hog in warm mud.

It’s colder than a well diggers ass in Utah.

It’s colder than a witches titty in a brass bra.

That women is a butter head. Everything looks good but her head.

SO slow you gold mold growing on you.

slicker than owl doodoo..

look like a gut with the shucks slung out of it.

look like a hog on ice ( when someone is sick and pale looking)

HOTTER than a fat girl on prom night!

That women is hot as a 2 dollar pistol.

Dry as a popcorn fart

Hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit (when something won't give up)

Good lord willing and the creek dont rise.

Uglier than a bag of buttholes.

Handy as pockets on underwear

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

there it is....I knew I missed it the first time through

He has such bad luck he could fall in a barrel full of t!tt!es and come out with a pecker.

Sweating like a (Democrat) trying to read.

If fat geese was a dime a dozen I couldn’t kiss a hummingbird’s ass

Ole Leroy is pissing like a cow on flat rock