NOT!

But actually I do need a cat. I'm overrun with chipmunks. This has been going on for some time. So even though I don't like cats, I need to get an outdoor cat. I don't want to pet him or talk to him or really have anything at all to do with him. I want to take it to the vet and have it fixed and then I want to feed it just enough to keep it around and have it leave me dead chipmunk pieces on my doorstep.

How should I go about making this happen? How much do you have to feed one to keep it around? I want it hungry so it will hunt. Also, I don't really want it killing my songbirds but I guess a few of them may have to be sacrificed. If it's a male and I have it fixed will he still walk around spraying everything to mark his territory? Cat piss is one of the worst smelling things I know of, especially in some old lady's house that has about 50 of them. If it's fixed will it still care about hunting? It has to be fixed 'cause I'm not about to create a feral cat population that likes to hang out at my house. I know some of y'all have barn cats and stuff. Do they earn their keep or just lay around all the time? Will my plan for chipmunk suppression/eradication work or am I just dreaming?

Thought this was going to be another woman thread.....

I have a chipmunk/bird/rabbit killing machine. I will always have a cat to keep the critter population in check. Downside is she brings them in the house via the doggy door.

I thought it was a beard grooming idea!

I'm headed to Bham tomorrow and will deliver one to you. Got three models to choose from. Two gray tabbys and a orange and white. All certified killers.

I hate cats, but I've let 2 stay around to guard the place lmao. This ones named Lucy (short for Lucifer 😳)

Get a mountain cur, ground squirrels will be gone.

My neighbor stole my favorite chipmunk killer

TURN out a couple of king snakes around your place. We had chipmunks bad about three years ago and still have some. I happen two see two different king snakes and a rat snake in the last couple years and the chipmunk numbers have fell off this year. One of the kings was sunning one day and I thought way is that black hose pipe in the flower bed. As I'm thinking this I notice the scale pattern on him. He had a meal in his belly and had it uncovered from the rest of his body(the part I first seen). I took a broom and touched him he poked his head up about two foot away and back on the other side of a flower. I rubbed him again and he took off under the back patio. I pretty sure he had a chipmunk in his belly. After the chipmunks numbers fall they'll move on to better food areas. And they'll kill any venomous snakes as a plus they run across at your place.

Cats are just stone cold killers even if you feed them all they want. Birds will be in the mix, if it moves, it dies. Birds, mice, lizards, frogs, squirrels, whatever. Doesn't matter to them, they are equal opportunity slayers, they have no preference

"I don't want to pet him or talk to him or really have anything at all to do with him."

Kind of like your Idea of a wife?

Wife petting is one my favorite hobbies.

Get a female and have her fixed. She’ll stay around and kill anything that moves. The 2 toms we had they were fixed and still left.

Calera Animal hosp has a sign up that says “free barn cats”.

Lawd a'mercy, I never DO know whut t' espect when I open up some a' these here threads, know whut I mean?!?

My little .410 serves as my cat. She's hell on chipmunks.

You don't understand me at all.

Oh, Smells, you went there....

Actually I saw a king snake earlier this year right next to my driveway. I know I've been plagued by them for a long time. Seemed like every time I went outside or drove up in the truck I'd see at least one scurrying off into a hole, but I broke the air rifle out this weekend to start hunting them myself and haven't seen one since. Let me define hunting as it applies to chipmunks, I look out my kitchen window as I'm cooking or washing my hands to see if I see one but I haven't. I just assumed that I simply haven't been looking at the right moment but now I'm wondering if they've been diminished and maybe I'm just operating under memory rather than reality? Maybe they have been eaten, just not by a cat!