I was guiding a fella for the Wilcox Academy turkey hunt one year. We found a bird on Roy Bonners place at Dixon Creek, across the backwater. When he came he landed in a tree 100 yards away for a minute then pitched down maybe 25 yards away in open woods. I erred in placing the fella out of arms reach. I told him to shoot. Bird semi strutted. I said shoot. Nothing. I said shoot louder. Nothing. He had the damn gun up but no shooting. I yelped, bird strutted and gobbled, I YELLED shoot. Bird came out of strut and stuck his neck up. Perfect, except ol deadeye decided to stand before he shot. Bird was 100 yards away and climbing before he COULD of shot. I asked him why he didn't shoot...he said he forgot!!!!

I was standing on a ridge in a cutover watching dogs run a buck back in the 80's. There was a guy a few hundred yards from me in the flat and I knew the dogs was gonna take the deer right to him. He was standing there with his rifle barrel on his foot listening to the dogs get closer to him and the deer popped out in the skid road he was in. I heard him scream almost as soon as he pulled the trigger. Blew his big toe off at the foot and peeled the one beside it like a banana. His whole foot was black from the concussion .

Gonna be stupid you better be tough!

I called a bird up for a fella one day on a high ridge. The bird came in behind a big log on the ground and stopped at twenty yards looking over the log. You could see him from the beard up. I told him to shoot. Said it again. No shot. Bird got nervous and walked back the way he had come. I asked why he didn't shoot. He said all he could see was his head and neck. I asked was he wanting to shoot him in the ass????????

Pretty much everything I did this past turkey season would qualify for this thread.

Not sure we could call him a “hunter” at the time but he was with our party. Thanksgiving holidays and I had cousins come down to the country from Bham. We were all 10-13 years old. My dad carried us in the woods, he carried the only gun since my city cousins weren’t qualified. Was embarrassing to me since I had been “qualified” for several years, but dad explained it to me. One cousin, Pierre, had a new scout knife . He could hardly keep it in the scabbard, throwing it at trees, stumps, etc. we came upon a bloated dead cow......Pierre was dragging behind and we suddenly heard him screaming....yep...he did it...threw that knive into that bloated dead cow! Dad made him retrieve it and then walk welllll behind us until we got home. Generally we took group baths, sharing the tub....nobody shared with Pierre!

I could just tell the dumb things I've done. Everything from hunting one that was in a pen to actually killing the neighbors pet turkey. But in my defense but of those turkeys gobbled really good.

guided a guy from Florida one time. Slow morning, finally heard a bird way off. We were sitting with him beside me. He had said the bird was not coming a couple of times, I said wait. I finally saw the bird maybe 30 yards out, coming at a fast walk. I opened my mouth to tell him when he turned his head and said in a LOUD voice "he ain't coming, we might as well go eat"....no chitt he ain't coming, not now. He never saw the bird.

Anybody know a Ricky Malloy?

I was guiding one of my idiot brothers one morning and we set up on a bird near a large opening. I called to him and he pitched out of the tree and glided to within 100 yards of us. He hit the ground running towards us. Brother shot when the bird was 50-60 yards out and coming fast. He turned on a dime and flew the other way. Just damnittman. That bird was impossible to kill after that too.

was guiding a customer one time and had a rough time locating a bird the first day, on the second day I finally found a bird for the guy and withing 45 mins he was standing behind the man drumming at 10 yards. Finally after what felt like forever, the bird strutted to the left of the hunter, who I thought knew the bird was there because he had been drumming behind him for roughly 10 minutes. As the bird starts to make his way out in front of the customer, the man rolls over onto his knees and starts taking a piss as the turkey runs off putting. Frustrated as I could be walking up to the hunter, my head almost exploded when he turned to look at me and I realized he had ear plugs in and couldn't hear a thing

Dumbest thing I've seen has happened over and over and over. A turkey is gobbling every 15 seconds on his own and some idiot starts blowing either a crow call or an owl hooter at him. The turkey is red hot, so he gobbles at him every time for a few minutes. But the turkey will always eventually get wise to it, stop gobbling, and leave the country.

Why in hades to people keep blowing a locator call at a turkey that is already gobbling every breath? Do they think the turkey is gonna come to a crow call just because he gobbles at it? Such people need to have a pit bull sent after them.

Troy, I would just give up on guiding if I'd had that many bad experiences. I've decided I'm just a bad guide and need to quit doing it. The best hunt I had this past season was in mid-afternoon one day towards the end of the season. We spotted a gobbler in a small field, so we went to another field a couple hundred yards away and I set us up. I don't think I've ever had a plan to work so perfectly. I called to him softly and had him completely fooled, and he came in to 20 yards and looked us over for probably 20 seconds, decided he didn't like something, and did a 90 and started away. I literally yelled at my hunter to shoot, and he did and missed.

Turned out the rear sight on his gun had slipped loose and he shot way under the turkey. He said later he couldn't see him good when he was standing there, but it was nothing but leaves between them and he was shooting 3.5" TSS nuclear bombs. I should have set him up in the wide open; at 20 yards he might have killed him even with the gun off.

All this rain is giving me cabin fever.

I bet I have guided well over 200 folks turkey hunting, always enjoyed it. I learned early to keep the dudes at arms length or closer so you could slap em.

I called a bird up on morning and when the bird stood for several minutes in the open at 20 yards with any shots fired I softly said shoot. Then I cut LOUDLY at the bird and he shock gobbled as I YELLED shoot. Still went home empty.

funniest ever was a doctor from NC that I guided for Stagshead Lodge in Greene Co under Wayne Fears. The doc had scouted on his own the afternoon before and found a "flock" of gobblers that gobbled at fly up. They were roosted right on the edge of a 1 acre greenfield. Wayne and I agreed it was prolly a bunch of jakes, but Wayne said to take him to them. At daylight we were set up a couple of steps off the field in some honeysuckle. The birds gobbled good and pitched down into the field at my calling, but down the field and out of sight around a small curve. I called and here they came single file. I told the doc to aim at a big ant hill 20 yards out in the field. When the lead bird got within a few feet of the ant hill I told him to shoot. He did. dead bird.

He asked why I made him aim at the ant hill.

Now most experienced hunters know a bird won't walk close by the cover, but a few yards out in the field...kinda like where the ant hill was. I also knew I wasn't going to guide this fella the next day when he hunted with another guide from Pickens Co.

Soooo...I told him I MADE those birds go to the ant hill by my calling...that a REAL master turkey hunter could make any bird go to anywhere he wanted that bird to go. Kinda like Minnesota Fats controlling the cue ball.

Next day the other guide called a bird to the property line fence where the bird hung up and wouldn't budge. Doc proceeded to tell his guide that Troy would of made that gobbler come like on a string!!!!!!!

The Pickens Co fella didn't see the humor in what I had done....

This one is on myself. I got permission from a guy I worked with to come hunt his small piece of land. He said it had quite a few turkeys come and go. I got there at daylight and setup. At first light I hear one let loose to the north. I moved to him as far as I could without getting off his property and setup. He was about 200 yds away. I called he'd answer, call and he'd answer.. I got quiet and he gobbled eventually so I replied. This went on for about 2 hours. Finally he shut up and I sat there for another hour just in case. I figured it was over so I get my stuff and head over to my buddies house to let him know I was leaving and what happened. After I told him about the bird, he fell over laughing. He said that's my neighbor he's got one in a pen up there. I hung my head and left.

poach on some Gulf States land.

The dumbest thing I've seen turkey hunters doing is riding a 4wheeler and blowing on a stupid owl hooter.

or some one in a loud diesel truck ripping down the road stopping owl calling a couple of times then jump back in the loud truck hauling azz to the next pull in, national forest hunters or wanna be hunters

Not turkey hunting but years ago while in college I agreed to teach a buddy what I knew about bow hunting.After getting him proficient with his Whitetail II,we headed to the National Forest one afternoon to see if I could put him on a deer,Got our stuff out and situated and headed out down a creek-bottom.After a few yards of walking,I remembered my bottle of fox urine I used as cover scent. Not really thinking,I handed him the bottle first and bent down to pick up a a white oak acorn to show him.When I looked up he was pouring it in his hands and wiping it on his neck like cologne...

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