I think theres a time for talking a time for the taking and a time for breaking out the belt
My Dad was vey good at all three and my brother and myself have never deviated from that raising
I'll say this if you've been through a divorce and have to deal with children that get no punishment in any form at the other home do not back off your principles your children will love you or hate you but either way they'll respect you.
I went to jail for whipping my daughter.(because her mom didn't like it) It was the biggest mess you could imagine and was thrown out of court so her mom went to DHR and they had me down to their office.
I met with the man that is now the sheriff and I told him that I'd do the same thing if she came into my house acting a fool again his reply was that he reviewed the case and that if it was ever said that whipping probably done her more good than she'll ever admit

I don't comment a lot on these types of posts, but I am going to make an exception on this one. I have made more mistakes as a parent than I care to admit. Some things, I got right. Here is my approach to parenting:

There are no second chances when it comes to discipline. It's like seeing how long you can run your truck without oil, then after it blows up, trying to add oil to "fix" it. If you wait until it blows up, it may be "un-fixable". Discipline isn't always a whipping, but it is always a training moment. Every child is different and as a parent you have to determine what is the most effective way to train your child.

It is the parent's job to teach their children to have respect for authority, respect for others, and respect for themselves, the value of hard work, the value of a dollar, and the value of human life. These lessons can only be taught by spending time with your children. It's your job to rear your own children. If you try and leave that job to others, you will fail as a parent. Spend as much time as you can with your children because they will be grown before you know it. You have a finite number of opportunities. Make the most of them. Your job as a parent is to raise a child that can make it on their own and be a productive member of society. You are the biggest influence on how your kids turn out. You will shape their character and morals. Right or wrong, you will be judged a parent by the actions of your children.

The lessons you teach your children, whether good or bad, begin before they can walk. Don't wait or put if off until your kids are un-teachable. Each day you wait only makes it more difficult until it becomes a nearly impossible task. Children will test their boundaries until they find them. It's up to you to set those boundaries and enforce them. The lessons you teach are re-enforced every day by how you live your own life as a parent. They WILL learn by watching you. My son is more like me than I care to admit. He drives like I drive, he thinks like I think, and he acts like I act. Those lessons need to be consistent between both parents. I think the biggest obstacles to discipline are a lack of agreement between parents and unstable home environments (mostly due to divorce).

My children are 28 and 22. I could not be more proud of them. Both are extremely responsible and that didn't happen by accident or overnight. As noted, I am far from a perfect parent, but I tried to be consistent. I did not bluff. I did not count. I did not yell. I meant what I said. I whipped my kids when they needed it (never out of anger) and it was mostly when they were very young (before age 7, after that, they didn't need many whippings). My wife whipped the kids when they needed it. Daily, I hugged my kids and told them that I loved them. I have always told them how proud I was of them.

I heard an old adage once and I think it is fairly accurate. Raising a child is like holding a wet bar of soap. If you hold it too loosely, it will fall from your hand. If you hold it too tightly, it will shoot from your hand. It takes just the right amount of pressure to hold it firmly.

too many of our society are raising spoiled brats with no manners, no respect...and no damn future. You and the wife go to a nice resturant and the idiots at the next table a shouting and laughing with no regard for others around them, and their damn kids are up and running around the place. ALL of em need a belt whipping.

I raised my grandson Dylan, for his first four years. He didn't get many spankings, BUT he did get disipline from day one. He understood there would be consequences for bad behavior. Not just threats of punishment, but a promise of punishment. Anyone who has met him will back me when I say he is a fine, polite, respectful young man of 10.

I have a grandson who is four who is on the road to a rough life. His dad whipped his ass pretty often for no reason, never taught him any manners or respect for all adults. His momma babies him and does everything for him. He is learning to NOT be self reliant but to depend on mommy. NEVER listens to what is told him, rarely does what he is told till the fourth time said, and only then if you stand up to whip him. Second worst table manners I have ever seen in a child. He has a long road ahead of him due to bad parenting.

I really don't understand parents that don't raise kids right. I guess they are too damn lazy to do what needs doing, too busy on their I phone, too busy with the "me" generation. They, and the kids, will pay for it later.

good lord. reading some of yalls stuff, your dads needed their asses beat with a crow bar across the face. I got my fair share of "whoopins" but it was always with a belt or switch. yes I have spanked my son and he knows I`ll do it again but damn I hate it. my boy is better than I deserve but he has his moments.

I had three theories on raising children before mine was born. Now I have one child and no theories.

If you haven't taught them by the age of 4 that there are severe consequences to their actions, they are already lost. I'm watching one of my friends raise their granddaughter because the mother is on Meth. When she was younger, she didn't have to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. When she was off on a church youth trip in Gatlinburg, her parents drove all the way up there to get her because she got mad about something and demanded they come get her. This kind of exception was made often for her. She was a princess.

They are making the same mistakes with the 4 year old granddaughter. If she doesn't want to go to Sunday School, she gets to stay in the office with Gma. If she scribbles all over the church office desk with a sharpie, Gma softly corrects her with, "No, no. Don't do that sweetheart".

I'm certainly no expert by any means, and don't claim to be.

That said, I think your biggest issue is that you and your wife are not on the same page. You're fighting a battle with her on discipline, and your kids are getting mixed messages. Kids need consistency in punishment...otherwise they'll soon figure out they can pit you and your wife against each other.

You and your wife need to sit down, come to an agreement on how you're going to move forward with discipline, and then implement the plan together. Hold each other accountable.

Our 11 year old is no different than any of yours. He's a great kid who makes excellent grades, but he's also constantly testing the boundaries. My wife and I struggled a little until we sat down and put ourself on the same page together on how to handle him.

Good post Irish. My great grandmother, who was a very wise women (BTW she was born in 1885) who raised 5 kids once told me " When you hit a child you may drive out one demon, but you'll drive another one in".

Lol, you're married a teacher too? Man I feel what you're going through!

Although I will say that my wife is very strict with her kids. There is no second warning, she tells you once and she expects you to do as told, if not then there are consequences. She has very high expectations from 5yr/6yr old kids. But her kids come back to her years after they have had her and give her the biggest hugs.

Unless turkey hunting will include college chicks in bikinis drinking beer and making questionable decisions, prepare to be crushed.

both parents need to be on the same page and ALWAYS back the other up. When wife daughters came to stay with us we kept her 3 and 6 year old. First thing they learned is DO NOT TRY TO PLAY ME AGAINST MY WIFE. It dosen't work and will result in you going to bed early. Everydangtime.

One thing I really hate is hearing any adult tell a kid multiple time to do something, including empty threats of punishment ad nauseum. I tell em once, second time I get up and someone is getting punished one way or another. My dad would tell us "don't make me say it again"...we learned early not to make him say it again.

What the hell happened to kids NOT being the center of every thing going on???

gets my blood pressure up watching this scenario. especially when the end result is the parent giving up and the kid doing whatever they want. the common reaction by the parent, "that child is so hard headed" or "strong willed". STFU

My wife is a teacher and I cannot ever remember her spanking my son. She'll discipline him in other ways, including nagging, which is far worse than a spanking. She has a black belt in nag-fu.

She stayed on him much worse than I ever did. When needed, she'd come to me and I'd crash on him like the trade towers. He knew that if it came to me doing the discipline it was gonna be bad. World ending bad for him. Didn't matter where. Didn't matter when. Didn't matter who was watching.

I had to spank him a few times over the years, but for the most part he towed the line and was a good kid. We had the typical problems other parents are all going to have to deal with, but I have always been a step ahead of him.

He's learned humility, right from wrong, how to lose, how to win, when to respect and when to fire back at someone. He likes to jerk his mom's chain and occasionally tries to pull mine for fun. But I know that we raised him right and because of that he's being successful in everything he's attempted so far.

It truly takes two parents. There are few children raised in a one parent home who turn out to be well adjusted adults. They need to learn how to be a woman from mom and a man from dad and they learn by example.

BINGO!! That's why I left the field of education and went into the medical field. When I was in education I literally had to call parents on my cell and let them listen to their "angel" cuss everyone in the classroom. And this was in an elementary school!! Then, the parents would show up and check them out so that they wouldn't get another phone call. Yes, some of these parents were hood rats, but some were people that you would think knew better.

hahaha, or they later come out as gay. so crushed either way

I dont give second time I told you so chances very much, but if I do that either that worked or its on. When I have to get up to deal with mine they know whats coming. Im like the Dos Equis of corporeal Punishment. I dont always like to paddle but when I do they remember it a long time and rarely do they need another one. So yes I whip my kids and there may be a couple members on here that I likely have whipped yours in school. I will say this, there are some that can just take a beating but there are always other ways to hurt them more than physical. 13 years as an educator I have learned this: kids want to be disciplined, and kids want attention. For some it doesn't matter if the attention is negative or positive. The #1 thing is that you have to invest in them and let them know you care about them. If they know you love them 1st they will take any punishment you give them with respect.
Oh by the way DHR would have spontaneously combusted if they saw some of the whippings I got but I deserved them all and I know I would have turned out bad without them. Thankful I had a Dad who disciplined me.

Again, I wasn't inferring not to spank, because there is a place and a time for it. All kids require discipline and love, but they are all different. If you have a kid that you have beat the fear of God into and he still misbehaves, then you may need to try something else. Or in the case of my stepson, try everything and nothing works...

The only thing that we didn't try, and in retrospect, we should have, was exorcism. I would have been afraid to be around when that demon jumped out of him and was looking for a new person to jump into.

I did when I was on spring break in college....

You need to get that resolved asap. I ended up divorcing my first wife over a stepson that couldn't be touched. She had 3 boys, two as good as gold, and one that infuriated me. I just walked out one day. The other two grew up OK, but the untouchable never left home--last I heard he was 40 and still living with her.

Completely depends on the kid.

I have two and both eventually turned into great adults. One had to be severely disciplined on a very regular basis into his middle teens, the other very very rarely if at all. And these two are 16 years apart in age and never spent any real time in the same house so it wasn't from one watching the other and deciding against acting the fool.

I explain to the younger one why it is important to do or not do a thing and he gets it and he either does/doesn't do it or is way better at not getting caught.

The older one was a pistol ball.

Positive reinforcement is great and deserved when the kid does a good job. It's pretty much useless as a disciplinary tool. A complete and thorough explanation of the why and all the particulars of whatever you are trying to teach them is the most important and useful tool we have.

I've met some folks from DHR.......