The starving Ethiopian...

I am glad someone found that. I needed.d a good laugh today.

I am glad someone found that. I needed.d a good laugh today.

Dammit.

I just started a new job and was doing some training in a small lab about 12'x15'. I been drinking the night before and had some nasty beer farts going on. There was an old woman, the guy training me and me in the lab. My gut started hurtin while I was in there and I decide to take a chance on trying to ease a fart out. Oh I succeeded and no one heard a thing but the smell was horrendous. 3 of us in there and no one said a word the whole time. Finally me and my trainer walk out and I was like did you smell what that old lady did in there?

Haha these are halarious...Alite I have one that aint as good as the staving Etheopian or Daniel Whites but here it is:

My ex was with me on the charter bus goin down to formal in New Orleans my senor year at Bama. Everyones drinkin and having a good time, and then she tells me she has to go to the bathroom. Well due to her nature of being a girl, she didn't want to actually sit down on the toilet seat in the bus. The light is not working in the restroom so she uses her phone as a light. Mid-buisness, we hit a bump and her phone falls between her legs and into the small hole....Thanks to the life-proof, she could hear it ring when I called it for her but couldn't do anything about it ha...Womens

Can't top some of those but an embarrassing situation I always remember is this:

When I was a young man there was a girl in our town who was....."popular" to put it nicely. We will call her Jane Doe to keep this anonymous. Many of the local boys had "known her" in the biblical sense of the phrase. Eventually she hooked up with some out of town guy and they had become engaged. He apparently being clueless of her history as the town receptacle. So about a week before the wedding this girls brother and a few of his friends take this guy out for a sort of half assed bachelors night out. So about midnight they come driving up to one of the local spots where everyone would park and drink. There's about 20 people there including myself and they get out and start to mingle. Now I knew this guy was engaged to the girl but most of the people there had no idea who he was. After a while this guy strikes up a conversation with one of my buddies. I guess the guy wanted to use my buddies ignorance of who he was to fish for an honest opinion about his bride to be because he asked my buddy what he thought of that Jane Doe girl with a big grin on his face. My buddy drunk and unaware of who the guy was looked him straight in the face and said, "Last I heard she was selling it for about 50 dollars a pop". I nearly choked on a swallow of beer and I will never forget the look on that poor bastards face. I always wondered if the wedding still happened.

Not an embarassing story, but I saw that a couple of yall referred to "wearing the bearings out".

One night years ago a group of us are sitting around the fire pit after a long day of hunting. One of the single guys made a remark about "destroying" his new girlfriend the night before. The father of a very good friend of mine (and the oldest man at the fire), laughed and said "you cannot wear out a self lubricating machine". We all fell out laughing and gave the young guy hell for days.

I've got a good one. But I'm gonna keep it to myself

In high school I was working in our store one evening when the local mortician came walking up the aisle. I looked up about the time he got within 15 or so feet and said:

"How are you doing? Been busy lately?"

About the time the "lately" rolled off my tongue I realized what I'd asked. I probably turned five shades of red. I apologized and he laughed and said, "No problem, I get asked that a lot."

Got lucky & hit a hot turkey one morning at daylight on a new property. He was gobbling at crows, frogs, crickets & everything else in the world. I sat down & called. He triple gobbled back at me. So I sat still & he continued to gobble. After an hour I moved up 100 yards. Called again with same response. Every time I called, he answered but never came closer. Turkey was in a field over the line. After 3 hours moving & calling I was 10 yards from the landline & the field he was in. I sat down & gave him a ton of cutting, purring, leaf scratching, yelps and even a gobble or two. He answered every time but never moved. So after 4 hours working this bird I finally slipped to the edge to get a look at the vocal Einstein that had outsmarted me. There in the backyard of a house was a big, mad, white turkey in a pen. I went home!!

Well the highlights:
6th grade,
page from a Playboy,
open bedroom door,
mom came home and I didn't hear the door,
you do the math