Guys, I'm being faced with one of the toughest things I've ever done as a parent. I got called Wednesday night at work saying they had rushed my father-in-law to the hospital and it was looking bad. I drove like crazy to the er just in time for them to tell us he wasn't going to make it. This came as a shock because as far as we knew, he was just going to have hernia surgery and be fine. It floored me and me and my wife were the ones in there when they asked my wife should they stop compressions. The others were on their way to Erlanger where he was going to be air lifted. That image is really tearing at me bad.

Now I am faced with helping my 5 year old son who saw him every day and my 8 year old daughter understand what is going on and it's been really tough. Both are in denial right now and I've asked if they have questions to try and deal with it, but so far neither do. My daughter loves to read, so I ordered 2 really good books from the Christian bookstore to help kids with death and grieving.

My wife is having a worse time of it after reality is setting in and the shock is leaving. I try to be there for her as much as I can, but I really feel helpless. I'm trying to stay strong around her and the kids, but at night and when I am by myself, I fall apart. I honestly don't know what to do. I usually have answers to things and have an idea of what is best, but I have nothing right now. I'm sorry this is so long, but I just wanted some opinons from someone who's been through this also.

Tough one there. Prayers sent to give you the strength needed.

x2

Kids are tougher than most of us give them credit for. Just try and explain it the best you can.

Prayers sent.

This.


Kids have a need to innate need understand things. This is why everything is "why", you explain it and you get another "but why" again. Think about how when you were little and you felt when something was being hidden or you didnt understand it. It made you feel powerless and confused causing you to dwell on it even more.

Get down to their level and be as real and clear with them as possible (without being graphic of course) about what is going on. If you will they will take it better than you think. If they can really UNDERSTAND a situation and dont feel like they are being left in the dark they will shed some tears but will pull through it and be stronger for it.

Hate to hear that, JW, and God bless y'all.

Just answer the kids' questions as honestly as you can. Don't sugarcoat it or try to think up something imaginary. They're hurting but they're curious and like BGH said they're tougher than we realize. Be honest and loving with them. Tough to do but honesty's the best.

My prayers for your family.

As for the kids. I have been through that resently with my 10 year old. The best thing you can do is be honest, answer their questions with the truth and understand that they will be sad, but, they actually understand more than we think.

JW, I am sorry for you and your family's loss of such a close loved one. Prayers for your comfort and prayers for the children in the time of confusion and grief.

You have received some really good advice already and using books from a Christian perspective to help the kids deal with it is a great idea. Read them to them for a while. The initial impact of this loss is one thing to deal with, but the long lasting impact can be far deeper and greater. So over the next few months just take the time to let them talk, share, open up and express their loss in their own way in their own time. Bottling it up can do damage.

Reality will sink in after the funeral and after the first week or two passes. Just be there for them, and talk with them, help them understand life and death from a Biblical model. Those books or others can really help open up the communication.

May God bless you and give you the right words.

Prayers sent JW. Remember he never burdens you with more than you can handle.

That fact that you are there will help everyone make it through these tough times.

My heart goes out to you, your wife and children. My son was 10 when he lost his Papa and coming home to tell him his hero was gone was the hardest thing I've ever done. My Dad also passed away unexpectedly and I still struggle with it on a daily basis.

The hardest part about grief is that we all deal with it differently. What helps someone else might not be of help to another. The loss completely changed me as a person and that was hard for some to understand. But it was necessary for me to survive the grief. The most helpful thing you can do is just be present for each other. Be together, talk about him and keep his legacy alive, be honest about what happened in an age-appropriate manner. Laugh when you feel like it and cry if you need to. The books are a wonderful idea.

I worried about my son a lot because he cried very little after the funeral. But it didn't really hit him until about a year later. A friend of his gave him the most thoughtful gift - a tree to plant in his Papa's honor. Now, when he sees that tree growing up on the hill at the farm, he smiles and remembers him.

From a woman's perspective, your wife needs to know you're there for her no matter what she's feeling or how she's reacting. I had such tunnel vision for a while from the shock and it was hard for me to do or feel more than just keeping up with our day to day routine. I was numb and probably seemed really cold but I was just trying to keep my head above water. If there are things you can do to take some of that off her plate, I know it would help her.

I will be praying for peace and comfort for your family during this very sad time.

Hate to hear this... tough situation.. prayers sent. God bless you and your family.

So sorry for your loss. As a parent, this is a great opportunity for you to teach your kids two things, (1) what we as Believers know to be true about death (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, 2 Corinthians 5:1-10, and one of my favorites Psalm 116:15) and (2) how to properly grieve. Because of what we know to be true about death, we grieve and mourn differently than those who don't share the same hope.

Also, something that I hold onto when I'm walking through a season of crisis is the promise that God gives us that in ALL things He works for the good of those who love him. Even though bad thinks happen, God loves us enough to bring good out of it. What that means for you guys is that you can be looking for the fulfillment of this promise in your situation.

Prayers for your family.

Prayers sent for a tough situation.

Prayer lifted for you and family. May God grant you the wisdom and the right words to speak to all of those involved.

Prayers for you all. Hoping you are guided to be and do what is needed for all.

Prayers sent JW

Praying for your family and situation

Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.