My youngest son who will be 6 next week is having trouble at school, we get phone calls almost daily from the school and the bus driver telling us how he is just more less bad, won't be quiet in class is disruptive, won't sit still on the bus etc.. he has been on Ritalin now for the last year and it's helped him to concentrate somewhat, he has ADHD.. if he is separated from other kids he is fine, it's like he just can't control himself when he gets around other kids and I don't know what else to do..we have tried to discipline him, spankings, timeout, no tv etc.. my other 2 get letters sent home from school saying how good they are doing, my daughter got one today for being the top reader in her class, she is 8... I'm at a dead end with the youngest, I've tried everything I can think of

remeber, you asked for it.

not saying this is your kids issue but in my professional opinion (<<sarcasm) Consistency is a huge issue. spankings, timeout, restriction and all of the other forms of punishment are a waste of time if you are not consistent. what i mean is, when little johnny is told 3 times to go clean his room, you cant get frustrated and say to hell with it. get up and make it happen. same thing with sit down and shut up, brush your teeth, no you can`t do that etc..........

Since the kid is already on meds, have you talked to his Dr?

I agree with this 100%. My boys are not perfect by no means, but they know they will get that ass blistered if they get in trouble at school, on the bus, etc. We are very consitant with our discipline.

Boys and girls are totally different. Only thing we responded to was beatings.

Different kids respond differently to punishments as well. You have to find something he cares about. With two of my boys, almost any punishment and they'll straighten up quickly. My youngest son however doesn't care if you take away games, desert, spank him, put him in time out, make him practice writing or reading for hours, duck tape him to the wall (joke), etc. However if Mimi comes by to take them out for ice cream or to go feed the ducks and he can't go because he's been bad, he'll cry for an hour. When she gets back she tells him he needs to be good so next time he can go with her and it makes all the difference in the world.

You just need to find something he cares about and take it away making sure he understands that it's because of his actions that he isn't getting what he wants.

I would like to add that I would never, as punishment, take away a stuffed animal from a young child if they are very strongly attached to it.

Thanks for the advice, we are very consistent with him, and fuzzybunny he is goin to the Dr next week to see if he needs his meds upgraded...I really don't believe in the meds but doc and wife thought it would be best, maybe in a year or so he will grow out of it like his siblings did

I never believed in meds either, but I have seen them help. They showed me that there is a difference between not giving a damn and just wanting to play, and not being able to focus on something even if you want to.

Please read this
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answ...n-school-today/

And this may help too.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articl...-have-adhd.aspx

At least get a second or third opinion and don't be bullied into drugging him unless he has a real problem. Way too much ADHD being diagnosed today.

Not mentioned yet and I don't know if you have already tried it, but his diet can have a big influence in behavior with ADHD kids. Cutting back on sugar and caffeine may help a significant amount.

I hope you are talking to professionals and not just relying on advice from this forum.

Boys are generally two years behind girls in development. He may not be ready for school yet.

This place makes people smarter than staying in a Holiday Inn Exress.

Absolutely but not all professionals are equal, which is why I advise getting a second and third opinion and one of those needs to be from a professional who doesn't like to use drugs.

You don't think we're professionals

I don't think we had ADHD back in the seventies when I was a kid. We were just kids being kids. When a doctor told us my daughter had it, I told him we would work through it and she wasn't going to take any kind of medicine. She grew up just fine. That was over fifteen years ago and I know times have changed but I would get several opinions before I medicated my child for being a child.

I agree 100% with leroy.I don't have any answer for your question because all kids are different and you raise them on an individual basis.Consistency is the key. I will say that.

ADHD is a serious issue. Our 11 yr old was diagnosed with it at 6 also. His medicine has been changed probably 5 times. He's very smart but has to take the medicine to knock the edge off. Reads above 12th grade level and is doing better as he gets older. Colbie call me if you want to talk about it.

We didn't have a whole lot of the crap that we have now back in the 70's and 80's. I use to think that ADD and ADHD and all that stuff was just poor parenting but I've seen some kids who really had problems. I think it's exposure to medications and such that we didn't have when we were kids. I read somewhere (can't provide a link) that so many people are now taking anti-depressants that there are trace amounts in our drinking water. Reckon that would screw up a kid? (rhetorical question)

This is/was the problem with my son. Cut out sugar and he was a Teddy Bear. Dr said he was non diabetic hypoglycemic. For some unknown reason he didn't properly metabolize sugar. Because of the low blood sugar he would crave sugar. He would do anything including stealing and lying to get it and then he would become Hyperglycemic and lose his mind for a few hours and then crash causing another round of inability to concentrate.
Of course schools and teachers are not at all equipped to handle this since he is not clinically diabetic no special lunches could be made for him. Teachers reward good behavior with candy. We would show them the Dr. diagnosis and treatment recommendations of no refined sugar but they ignored that and gave him candy and then would call us to come and get him because he was uncontrollable. Had his third grade teacher tell us once that it was borderline child abuse to not allow him to have candy and be like "normal" kids!! We refused to come and get him after she said that and it was funny how fast she started using fruit as rewards instead of candy.

Symptoms Doc told us to look for and that we actually saw, when he is in "one of those moods", get him still and look into his eyes. If he is over sugared..they will be quivering. He'll be very thirsty all the time and then have to Pee every 15 minutes. We would ask him how to spell his entire name, first, middle and last and he would stumble, sometimes miss his entire middle name. When he crashes he'll be very irritable and impossible to get along with or to please. He'll do anything to get more sugar. He would fly into a rage when he didn't get his way or was being asked to settle down.
Hard not to tear his butt up but a few Orange wedges and he would be just fine. Like night and day.

He is a straight A student and is the model kid when you control his sugar intake. It was a battle and he is now 14 and has learned to monitor himself and is doin much better. It was a battle when he was younger...mainly with the teachers and staff at the school.

Another thing to try is to cut out all artificial food coloring/dye. It causes hyperactivity and irritability in some kids. Go read some labels and try it for a few weeks to see if it makes a difference. You'll be shocked at how many products have red 40, yellow this, blue that, etc.

Doritos and other chips
Colored Gatorade and lots of drinks.
Majority of boxed and processed foods.
Candy, gum, ice cream treats, mints
Etc...

You have to change the way you shop but it might make a difference. Never will know til you try it.

I speak from personal experience with my oldest son and various physician consults.

Getting a second opinion is not a bad idea. One of the problems with ADHD is that there are a number of different disorders that have similar symptoms so it can be misdiagnosed. If it is ADHD medicine is just 1 part of controlling it. Many times ADHD children learn differently and require some adjustments in the classroom. They are not stupid (in fact some of the greatest minds in history showed signs of ADHD like Einstein) ADHD has been around for a long time but in the past the world was different and people did not have to sit down and do tedious tasks for hours at a time. I can get you a lot of information on ADHD and I work in Mobile so if you want just send me a pm.

Colbie, I've been to hell and back with Drew over the years and I could offer a lot of opinions but these guys are right about being consistent. You and the old lady better be on the same page but even more important, you MUST have more patience than him. If you give up because you are too tired to force discipline then you lose ground. You have to be firm but that's only half of the equation.


The other half is time & affection. All kids want their parents attention and approval. You have to praise him when he does right and you must be consistent. Take him hunting/fishing a lot. Drew was attached to me at the hip on the weekends and I can assure you it made us both better people. Lastly, make sure he is scared of you.

Sounds like my son. I tried everything , but nothing worked. The letters kept coming in from school. It seemed that the teachers hadn't challenged him enough. He did his school work but as soon as he finished it, he would disrupt everybody. I saw that he hated to write anything extra so i started making him write lines. If he got a letter for excessive talking, I'd make hime write 100 times that he wouldn't talk excessively in class. I also had him give it to the teacher to sign each sheet and bring back to me. After about a 3 month period of writing lines he started acting like a gentleman in class. I'm not saying this will work for you but it worked for me.

Kids DON'T need meds, they need parents. Sry but thats the Gods truth. Hate me if you will.

It's already been mentioned but it's worth mentioning again....diet, I know of a family that had kids with the same issues, they changed the kids diet and the problems they had went away.

A boy in my sons class was on meds for adhd. He was on a strict diet. But also he seemed to get worse. After he went on a stabbing spree in the class room with a pencil the parents took him to see a mouth dr. He pulled him off the meds. As far as I know he hasn't taken anymore since then. Hes one of most well behaved kids you can meet now. The meds had him messed up.

It won't teach you how to spell express though!

Please read the links I posted. One talks about exercise and the lack of it being a contributing factor and one about diet and other causes.

I'm not saying it isn't serious. All I'm saying is explore all the causes before just treating the symptoms.

I'm gonna host a ass whipping similar here shortly if any one wants to attend..no queers

I have raised 5 kids and I may be wrong about this but I think it is because kids are bored and don't get enough exercise at home and at school. Kids at one time when they got home from school they would go outside and play now all they do is sit on the sofa and watch TV or play video games. At school kids would go play in the yards now all they do is sit on benches and do nothing. They don't even use their minds, they do nothing creative at home or school. They build nothing, everything is on computers or calculators. When is the last time you saw a kid cutting grass or building something in the yard? They hate to get out of the AC because its to hot outside or to cold outside.
Most are overweight and eat junk food instead of healthy food.
Don't blame the kids as it is the parents fault.
This doesn't apply to all but most.

Hey top_cat, I am going to have to agree AND disagree with you.

Yes drugs are over prescribed!!! Usually so that parents don't have to do as much parenting.

On the other hand...

I am living proof that sometimes it takes more than parenting! I was exactly like the OP's kid. I am almost 31 and I STILL take ADD/ADHD medications and I know of a couple of friends that do as well. It took both parenting AND medication to help me. Yes, I have tried to come off the meds several times and go back because of the benefits.

My 2 cents on the subject. My son was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago. He could not swallow a pill so they put him on the liquid Ritalin twice a day. We kept in touch with the GP and he let us modify the dosage based on his ups and downs. What did it for us was two fold. He was having difficulty in class for two reasons. The first of which was the fact we had put him in a Kindergarten class that was WAAAY behind in the learning curve based on the criteria of Calera Elementary. He was judged to be around 3-4 months behind and he struggled to do the work. I worked with him daily and his mom did when she could. We took him the see a child psychologist who worked with him for a period of 3-4 months and her judgment was that he was frustrated in not being able to learn the material as fast as the others even thought his vocabulary and other skills had reached the 4-6th grade levels in some instances. We ended up modifying his diet to restrict the sugars (helps with the outbursts of frustration and the like). We limit the "junk foods" to rewards mostly on the weekends and we got him on a firm (for the most part) schedule. He is in bed by 8pm. We have given him certain responsibilities such as gathering his pj's and underwear each night and starting his bath or shower, taking it, putting dirty cloths in the hamper at which time he can have a snack and spend a little time before bed doing something quiet. We do not let him sit in front of the xbox for more than 30 minutes a day IF he has performed at school and gotten on blue or purple. The doctors told us that the instant gratification received from playing the games on the xbox, cell phones and such provide too much stimulation for him and when he is in schools that stimulation is mission leaving him bored. When I wake him up at 6am the first thing he wants to do is hit the tv and watch cartoons. I might let him watch for 15 minutes or so to wake up then I change it to something more positive like the History channel or the science channel to interest him in learning. Since starting this regimen he work at school has leveled out and he is consistently on blue with an occasional purple brought home. Now he does have off days and rarely brings home a green for not paying attention or for not following though with a task. I got him involved with scouting and became a Den leader myself. I have taken up the Cubmaster role this year to give myself some distance from him so his self worth would have a chance to grow under another leader but still be there and be involved. He was always wanting to climb the rock wall at the Calera 1st UMC where we have our meetings but was afraid to actually go through it, Well, last night not only did he try it but got in line to do it 3-4 times. He only climbed up about 12 feet out of the 20 but his self confidence was boosted 10 fold! I am sorry for the long post but get him involved in something like scouts or something that makes him use his brain, then plan out his days and nights and don't vary, After a few weeks or a couple of months it will stick and like us, we took him of the meds and he is doing much better. Good luck and be tough. I know it is tough not to yell at them sometimes but use a constant level in your voice and make hi focus on you when you talk to him. This contact and looking him in the eye along with asking him what you just said (and if he understood it) will reinforce the structure you are putting in place. I hope this helps in your situation.

My son is only 2 so haven't had much experience with the exception of raising my little cousin who was Diagnosed with ADHD. He was on the track to going to Jail. My uncle sent him to live with me and my dad. My dad was a hard ass and he had to grow up quick or he would get smacked down. We took him off all the meds he was on and he straightened up. He didn't want to get in trouble at school or he would face the wrath of my dad. And it wasn't always physical punishment. But making him wash the car, vacuum it and do it over until it was right. Mow the yard no TV no Games. I still believe to this day he saved my cousins life.

One thing to think of if he is very smart like one other guy mentioned his child was. Is he might not be being challenged enough in school. Hes bored which in turn would make any one of us act up or go do something else.

My .02 is that the schools are co-ed and the have established their curriculum to mainly meet the needs of girls and underactive males. Expecting a normal 6 YO boy to remain inactive/sit still most of the day is ridiculous. Home schooling or some specialized private schools with separate curriculums for boys and girls is the only real solution I have heard of. Neither are real practical for most people. Maybe you need to get him into a sport or program where he can exhaust that energy. My grandson has ADHD and it breaks my heart to see the change in him when he is medicated enough to mellow him out. But that's his mother's call, not mine.

That's one of the problems that I had in school. I was always ahead of the other kids and was typically the first one done with my class work. Little boys and free time don't go well together!

Some kids work better with the stick method of punishment.

Others work better with the carrot method of motivation.

Mine has always done better when motivated by reward of some kind (emotional and not just monetary) than with threatened with an azz whipping. Don't get me wrong, the whipping makes a difference, but he does better when he has an achievable goal and some kind of reward for completing it correctly and on time.

Criticize him and you can see him withdrawing. Praise him and you can see him light up and try harder.

I've had an exceptionally good kid for the last 17 years, despite a few moments recently where I've wanted to throttle him. I can't complain. I'll be saying a prayer for you to find the right answer for your sons sake.

THIS!!

My 2 sons were both diagnosed & medicated & it was horrible! Mood swings, sleeping disruptions, irritability, just terrible! We eliminated all MSG & food dyes over the summer, red #40 seemed to be the worst, and miraculously nearly all the problems went away. Nearly half our population has reactions to MSG & don't know it.
IT TAKES A LOT OF EFFORT!!
There is petroleum based food dyes in nearly all processed or canned food. You have to read labels religiously, and monitor constantly, kids always want things to be like "normal" kids eat, drink etc. A Dominos pizza or can of ravioli can ruin all your efforts and you have to start over. It's hard work, but your kids are worth it. You'll feel better not eating that crap too! My wife became "Lola Granola", she is adamant that a lot of our society's problems are because we eat things that literally change your body chemistry and then ingest other chemicals to counteract it. Read labels & look up the various chemicals, you'll be amazed that you've been eating this stuff without knowing it!

Parenting.

CT, I agree that proper parenting that balances love and discipline, is proactive and intentional, is consistent, and ain't scared to blister a butt when needed is the key to raising up well behaved kids.

BUT the food coloring and other reactions are real issues for SOME kids. My sons are good kids but if my oldest has certain dyes he is literally a different person. We've tested this over and over and I know without any doubt that dye and other chemicals can alter moods and personality of some children.

Parenting is essential and irreplaceable. Knowing if certain foods cause your child negative issues is part of good parenting too.

Just my perspective and experience.

I agree Mike. All that is part of the parenting job.
Had a nephew (the one that passed away this year ) Call me one day a few years ago for Uncle Charley advice. Ask him what he was doing, Baby sitting he says. He (left behind three beautiful kids). I informed he wasn't baby sitting, he was parentng. There IS a difference.

That's the biggest BS uninformed ignorant statement that has EVER been posted on this forum. And that is a hell of an accomplishment, considering some of the characters that post here.

Steelman - my little brother has been a part of a study that was/is being done by the University of South Carolina (I believe that is the university). While I am firm believer that many parents, doctors, and children use the term to excuse poor behavior and possibly poor parenting. Regardless of what anyone may say - there are circumstances that diet, discipline, medication,...etc. simply don't solve or even help. If you would like to send me a PM - I would be happy to share with you and possibly put you in contact with my dad who could certainly relate better than I can, and share with you what actions they took. I will say this about their actions - it was very difficult and hurtful. Additionally, it was very expensive - but, while my little brother may still have some tendencies - he is better able to function in society and has learned to control his outbursts.

I think he hated you tc

I am a tough love kind of parent. I have always been against drugs for add but last year our doctor put my 16 year old son on light meds and it made a huge difference in his grades. He now tells us how much more he can focus in class and listens to what the teachers say instead of counting ceiling tiles like I used to to. I know I have the same issues with concentration and as he was being tested my wife told me I scored higher on the scale than my son for needing meds. She still begs me to try it and I might.

Not even close to the stupidest stuff poasted here. I don't give a rats arse. I stand by it.

Obviously you don't give a chit, you chose to be an ass.

A guy comes to the forum with something that is heavy on his heart in regards to his child. And your callus response basically said the issues with his son were poor parenting.

Steelman I think an opinion regarding your discipline should be reserved for people who know you and your child. You stated your have been persistent with that. There are many studies that identify traits of oldest, middle and youngest siblings. Sounds like yours is quite the typical story. If you have access to a big University many have programs to access children. I was amazed at what they could tell us about our son after a half day of testing at about that age. As suggested above I'd look at diet and seek the help of a professional before he gets to age that he may not cooperate. I personally wouldn't take the advise of a GP and run with it. Best of wishes to you!

Thanks for all of the replies and advise, there is a lot of very good info to read over and take in that's been posted. It's definately not a parenting problem, my other 2 are just fine, all kids are different and he is his own person, some days are great, others not so much..we will work through it and try to help him improve..one thing we haven't tried is his diet but will definately do so after reading the posts, thanks again

I don't hate you top cat.. you are entitled to your opinion like everyone else, but I can assure you it's not a parenting problem.. maybe you should stop drinking so much beer for dinner and posting on here

Good idea.

Seminar, maybe?

Yep seminar, dang auto correct strikes again